Lollipops

Chapter 4: Stay With Me

Bella's POV:

When I get home I realize how late it is. I quickly ran up to my room to change into my pj's. When I opened my door I let out a quiet aww. Ollie and Charlie are curled up on Charlie's bed, with Ollie curled up in between Charlie's front paws. I quickly snap a picture before walking over to my walk-in closet to grab my pj's. After I finish getting ready, I climb into bed and grab my book. I read about three pages before I realize that I've read the same sentence four times, so I put it down again. I sigh. The past couple of days have been insane. First I get choked in an ally by Colton James, the boy who everyone is terrified of. Then he apologizes and calls me pet names. Then he yells at me. Then he begs for my forgiveness and steals my first kiss! Not that I didn't enjoy the kisses, they were amazing, but still! So maybe it's not the days that have been crazy, maybe it's him. And the worst part is I'm falling for him cause he's amazing, but now that I've been away from him for a little while and my head is clear I realize that I can't fall for him. I just can't cause he has cancer and as selfish as it sounds I can't lose another person I love to cancer. Which means I can't fall in love with him and that's it. I just wish my heart understood that.  

I huff and bury my face in my hands. What am I going to do?! I told him I wanted to be together, cause in my heart I do but my brain knows it's not a good idea. But how am I going to tell him that! I walk over and sit down next to Charlie's bed. Ollie wakes up and crawls into my lap. I smile, stroking his soft fur. "What am I going to do Ollie," I whisper? I yawn, a wave of tiredness washing over me. Well, I guess I can figure it out tomorrow. I place Ollie back on the bed before climbing back into mine. I cuddle into my blankets and fall into a deep sleep.

As soon as I open my eyes I can tell today is going to be a difficult day. I really don't want to get out of bed but I know I have to so I sluggishly pull the covers off and stumble towards the shower. When I got out I grabbed the outfit I picked out last night and slipped it on. I picked out a gray plaid skirt with a soft pink turtleneck and gray knee-high boots. I curl my hair and put on some light pink lipstick and some mascara to complete my look. Despite the fact that I don't particularly like my appearance, I love clothes. And even though I have to buy all my clothes in petite sizes, I'm a major girly girl. I grab my backpack, take care of Ollie and Charlie and head to school.

When I pulled into the parking lot I noticed that I only have five minutes till first-period starts, so I head straight to my math class. When I get to my class, I sigh and sit at my desk. I've been thinking about Colton all morning and the only thing I can think of is to avoid him so I guess that's what I'll have to do. Even though I really don't want to hurt him. I sigh again. Just then the teacher walks and starts the lesson. Well, I guess the only thing I can do now is focus on school. 

About twenty minutes later I'm completely focused on my math problems when the door slams open. I jump out of my skin and my eyes fly up and lock with his. When he sees me he smiles and quickly makes his way to the seat next to mine. He drapes his arm across my chair and starts playing with my hair. I just blush and stare at my desk, I forgot he was in this class. "You look beautiful," he whispers in my ear. "Thank you," I mumble, still not making eye contact with him. "You ok?" I just shake my head. I'm already going to hurt him. I can't lie to him as well. "What's wrong?" "Can we talk after class?" He nods and squeezes my shoulder, bringing me into his side. Tears fill my eyes but I blink them away.

As soon as the bell rings he grabs my hand and pulls me through the school till we reach the football field. "Ok what's going on, you're worrying me," he says, placing his hands on my hips. But I push them off, making his frown deepen. "I can't do this," I whisper, "I can't be with you, I'm sorry," I cry tears pouring down my cheeks. "What why," he says, hurt shining in his eyes. "I'm sorry and I know this is selfish but I can't fall for you because if I fall in love with you and then I lose you I don't think my heart could take it. I can't lose another person to this horrible disease so I'm sorry but I can't be your girl," I cry, choking on my sobs. "So you don't want to be with me cause I have cancer," he whispers. "It's not that I don't want to, I can't," I say desperately. "Yesterday was one of the best days of my life, I was finally happy. But I can't lose another person that I love, so I'm sorry but I have to go. Goodbye Colton," I whisper, then I turn and walk away, tears streaming down my face. And as cliche, as it sounds as I walk away it starts to rain.