Ms Wilson's Replacement

38: Runaway

"I hated myself for going, why couldn't I be the kind of person who stays?"
~Jonathan Safran Foer

Eli's POV

I carry Anna up the stairs while she clings to my neck for balance even as her eyes remain close. I have a lot of questions running through my head right now and at this point, I think that she can sense it but I am not sure she is ready to answer them.

Whatever happened outside there must have shaken her to the point where she had not much strength to move or even talk and throughout the ride back home, she remained silent and when we got home a few minutes ago, she couldn't get out of the car so I took her into my arms.

"What happened to her?" Rosalina asks with worried eyes as she sees us.

I don't know the answer to give her, because I honestly don't know the full details so I just say what I know, "She had a rough day, that all. Can you make her noodles? I don't think she had eaten since breakfast." I request after hearing her stomach growl to me.

Rosalina wordlessly nods before going away and I proceed to take Anna into her room.

And once inside I lay her on the bed and cover her up before sitting beside her and I reach for her hair and lightly stroke it. Her eyes are half open and barely looking at me which only makes my worry rise. I do not want to push her into answering what she doesn't want to, but I can't help wonder why she was at the old railway especially at that time?

When we spoke this morning, she didn't specify any important thing happening there neither did she tell me she was going there.

Anna has changed a lot and she's very different from the Anna I met over a year ago. I may have been blind, but I liked how we were, but these past nine months hasn't done much help either because instead of getting to know each other we grew apart from each other and I've been trying to fix that the best way that I can which is making up for the times I've lost. But I don't know if that's enough or will be in a long time.

I do not doubt that I love her from the first day she sat beside me at the bar of the fundraising party and spoke to me like a human being. I knew I wanted to spend my life with her and after we started dating it became even better because she was everything that I wanted. Regaining my sight and going back to work was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I have helped a lot through the project I embarked on and will continue to do so, a curse because I ended up neglecting the relationships I should have cherished, with my mother, grandmother, Joey and most importantly, Anna. And though Anna tells me she's okay with it, I fear that she's not and what happened today is a testament to the fact.

A slight knock comes to the door and I proceed to check who it is and opening it, I see Rosalina holding a tray, having the noodles I requested for, a full glass of water at one side and cutleries at the other. I collect it from her, thank her before closing the door and going over to where Anna is and set it down beside her.

"Okay, let's eat, my love." I beckon with a small voice, but she doesn't respond. "Do you want me to feed you?" I request but I am also met with silence. I sigh in frustration and sit. "You can't treat me with silence, Anna, you need to eat and after you eat, we are going to talk."

Something sparks in her eyes as I say those lines, she lifts her head and her eyes locked in mine.

I lift the tray and set it before her and she slowly began to eat and as she finishes, she drank the water in the glass and I collect the tray and set it on the nightstand, feeling happy that at least she ate her food.

"Anna, we are going to talk now about what happened today."

"What's there to talk about?" She asks, fear still present in her voice.

"A lot. Like what you were doing there and why that man was trying to hurt you." I stated.

"He was trying to hurt me because I wouldn't give him my purse when he first asked and even after I gave him the purse, he wanted to hurt me." She answers, ignoring the first question.

I nod, "Did he hurt you physically, I didn't see any cut or bruises on your face, but I haven't looked in your clothes so I wouldn't know if he punched your stomach while you struggled."

She shakes her head, "No, he didn't hurt me, you stopped him before he could. How did you know where I was?" She asks with her brows furrowing.

"I called Hassan after a few hours of coming home and you being gone, he told me that he dropped you at the car park and when we got there, I showed the drivers your picture and asked if they'd seen you with the promise to pay those with useful information. A man said he drove you to the old railway at the mainland couple of hours back and I asked if he could take me there too."

Her lips press into a thin line but she remains silent and just nods and this is the side of Anna I never knew, the side I honestly was too afraid to see, the side of her I saw three weeks ago when we had our fight and it's the side that I feel is keeping something away from me.

"Why were you there, Anna?" I ask, reaching out to take her hand and I'm surprised that it is even colder than it was this morning. She withdraws it almost immediately and I look up at her with confused eyes.

She stays silent for a while, not wanting to answer the question and my mind begins to try and put the dots together.

The old railway is one of the parts of the city with low surveillance and police round, it was abandoned after the bombing that claimed over a hundred lives ten years ago and though it was one of the busiest places in the city before, it's the opposite now with little to no person living or even walking around so it would definitely be crawling with criminals and thieves. So it makes no sense why Anna would take herself there unless of course for some reason she didn't want to be seen.

My mind wanders to the one place that it isn't supposed to go to and I let go of her hand and get up from beside her taking a step back. I rub my head down my face before asking, "Were you planning on running away?" I ask and her eyes flicker with an emotion I cannot wrap my fingers around. "That's was why you were there wasn't it?"

Last night she did hint towards choosing another life and I was too stupid to know. "Why were you planning on running away?" I ask, keeping my tone as calm as I can. She hasn't answered my first question but I can't help asking the second.

She pulls her leg to her chest and wraps her arms around it, "I don't know, I just feel so tired and I want all this to end." She doesn't deny or hide the fact that she was planning on running away and that hurt a lot, maybe even more than it should.

My eyes sting as tears well up in them, "Do you still love me?"

"Why would you ask me that, you know I do, but you don't even know me, Eli and I don't know you, not that well. I tried to run away because I'm scared and I still am."

I sit down beside her again and take her hand in mine, "I'm scared too, I'm scared that you will be fighting my mom every day as long as we are married. I am scared that you will find someone else that makes you happier and choose to leave, I'm scared that I might not be enough for you, I am scared that, you might not have gotten over the last eight months as I thought and I'm sorry and I'll keep trying to make it up to you as long as it takes." I didn't plan to say all these to her, but if being open and vulnerable to her will get her to stay, then I'll do that. It might come off desperate and pathetic but I love her too much to bear the thought of losing her.

She leans in and kisses my lips slowly, and she pulls away, murmuring, "Thank you for saving my life." To me.

I smile, "You're welcome, babe." I kiss her again, my lips grazing over her soft lips and she moans into my ears when I pull away from the kiss. "I love you," I say and peck her lips. "You should shower and get set for bed. I will leave you alone now."

I get up from the side of the bed to leave the room but she holds onto my hand.

"Shower with me."