Ms Wilson's Replacement

36: People like me

"There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you're useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose."
~Sabaa Tahir

A knock comes to my door and I don't need to be told to know who it is. It's Eli, probably here to ask why I ran away from his birthday party which I had taken the time to organise for him. He's probably here to ask questions I am not ready to answer, he's here to see reason and probably agree with whatever excuse I give because that's the type of man that he is. He's a good man and after everything I have discovered for myself, I don't think I can keep the charades up anymore.

My loyalty is with Anna because she is in charge of my life until tomorrow when this is all over, but I can't help but think about the man who is being treated like a fool for loving so much. The man I keep lying to and treating like a fool even though he's done nothing to deserve that to me.

After the call I had with Anna, I was too weak to do anything and too guilty to face anyone and if wishes came true, time would have gone by faster than this so I can easily get away from all this before I finally succumb and crumble in my castle built with lies.

One of the things Anna told me was to not get into my feeling with Eli. It was #8 on thirty-one dos and don'ts, "Do not get attached to Eli" and I wanted to do that's because I didn't know the man at first, but then I got to know how loving, kind and caring he was and it became so hard to not get in my feelings. And so I convinced myself Anna was on an important mission that would make sense at the end of the day and even though I hated her and had suspicions, I had to do my part.

But as it turns out, she's on an important mission of screwing her lover.

Jumai was right, Anna never loved Eli, and was probably stayed with him because of the money and care he gave her because a woman who chooses to go away with her boyfriend four weeks before her wedding is capable of doing anything.

I felt guilt in the past three weeks even without knowing what Anna had done, but now, I feel that I'm just as evil as Anna for doing this to Eli as well. I can't wait for tomorrow so I can finally leave here.

"Anna, I know you're in there." Eli's voice comes through the front door. "What's wrong?"

I wipe the tear stains on my face and clear my throat, "Nothing, I just got a little sick and I had to come over and try to regain myself." I lie, which I've gotten so good at lately. "You should be down with the rest, Eli, you're the celebrant after all."

"It's fine, I already gave a thank you speech to the friends and family present and mom is in charge of discharging farewells and thank-yous since you're no longer there to do that. So they won't be expecting me to come down. Can I come in? I don't want anyone passing to think we had a fight or something." He says, his voice a bit low.

I don't want him to come in though because I don't think I can stand to look in his face after everything I've been a part of.

He's going to see my red swollen eye and want to know why I have been balling my eyes out and I may not be able to lie, the guilt will eat me up, that's for sure.

Neither is keeping him out an option.

"Yes, come in," I reply and though the for opens, I don't look up at him.

I feel him makes his way to the foot of the bed and he comes to stand down there and we remain silent for a while before he asks, "What's wrong?"

I shake my head, "Nothing is wrong." I lie even though my voice doesn't sound so believable.

"Sight might be out, but I can tell when something or someone isn't okay and you, my love, aren't, so do you want to tell me what's on your mind?"

I'm not your Anna, I'm Quynn, I'm the fraud that has replaced your fiancée for the past three weeks and I only did that because Anna threatened me as well as those I care about and she's also paying me to make herself less of a terrible person. The truth is, I am a horrible person just like Anna and I know you will never listen to my side of the story if you found out the truth, but that doesn't mean I'm innocent. I am just as guilty.

"I saw you and Keffi together," I say the only hint that might swindle his attention a bit while I recover from my self-condemnation.

He clears his throat and moves to sit down on the bed not very far from me. "What did you see?" he asks further and raises a brow.

"I saw her you were having a great time with her and her hands were on you."

His eyes leave mine and settle on the floor, "I suspect that you might have seen that as well, if you're thinking something is up between us, it isn't and I know you're pointed out you're scepticism before, but that's not it, Anna, Keffi is harmless."

"Do you like her?"

His eyes dart towards me and though he can't see me, I know that it's moments like these he would so want to see the look on my face while I ask these questions, not just the tone of my voice.

He takes his seat close to me, "Anna, I love you, I am marrying you next week and that's the most important thing."

I don't think that is, I think if you have even the slightest feeling for Keffi, you should abandon everything about the wedding and chase that.

"You two have a lot in common, even more than we do and you know I'm telling the truth." I continue to push.

"Yes, we do have a lot in common and she's a lot of things, but you're a lot of things too. You're smart, articulating, beautiful and with a great heart, you also have a great sense of humour and you're passionate about your job and you are cool to be around."

I lean forward and kiss his lips and he seems to be taken off guard nevertheless, he kisses back and wraps his arms around my waist and pull me closer.

I place my head on his chest and close my eyes, this is the moment I'm taking with me, this is a memory that I'll cherish for a long time. Eli isn't mine in any sense, but I wish he was and it sucks that people like me never get what they want.

No matter how hard they try.