𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 ‣ 𝙳𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚘 𝙼𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚘𝚢 ✓

- The way I was when I met you -

I remember my darling the way I was before I met you. I was feeling off and wasn't aware that I was living my life outside of my body. I said things, did things where afterwards I asked myself what were you thinking Draco? What made you feel this way? But then I remembered that I didn't feel anything at all. That's why I did those things. That's why I hurt people, broke their tiny hearts and why I couldn't let anybody near me, emotionally I mean.

I remember how every day was a struggle to keep going, to keep living my crappy life. I kinda made myself bleed, not literally but on the inside, just to know that I was still alive. 

"If you're still bleeding you are the lucky one my love" you always said to me. "'cause most of our feelings are dead inside of us"

I often think about how I bullied others just to feel something but as soon as these feelings also faded away there was nothing but emptiness inside of me. I needed to do something to fill the void. I felt like I had to escape. Escape from my personal story where someone else was creating the plot and of course if I wanted to I could do so. But after all the prison I was in, was just my own heart. All my days I asked myself where you were when my life was falling apart. You found me Heaven. You found me and you were supposed to. That's what I believe in. I just didn't want to let the world know who I really am because I thought they wouldn't understand.

It's been a while my love since I showed you around Hogwarts on one of your first days. I took the duty to be a  prefect of Slytherin really seriously when it came to you. I wanted to impress you, I wanted you to remember me. Everybody in this school knew me but you didn't so I only had one chance to make an impression on you. It seemed like it worked but it didn't work as well as I hoped for. I know where it all went wrong on this day. We were walking towards the quidditch field as we came across Potter and his friends when you saw the anger hidden deep down inside of me. 

"Got your next victim don't you Malfoy? Better watch out girl he's going to destroy you like he does with everything he's ever looked at" Weasley hissed and laughed as we crossed our paths without saying anything to them. I saw Granger hitting him and giving him a warning look. For a mudblood I thought, she's not that bad of a person.. but I never could tell her. Maybe that's something I should have said to her when she was alive as well. It's common that you regret things in the first place when it's already too late. I personally regret a lot of things. Not saving Granger from my aunt is one of those things. I could have saved her but my fear left me incapable of doing something. 

"What did you say you filthy awkward rat?" I nearly screamed walking towards Weasley. I didn't want to but I just had to. He made a fool out of me in front of you.. but probably I made a fool out of me myself. 

Before I could say another word to Weasley you took me aside. You looked me in the eyes and they weren't as full of disgust as I was used to. They were full of deep understanding, sympathy and some sort of a pity that symbolized you already knew I was only pretending. 

"When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be." you said and changed my world for the better. Everybody always says actions speak louder than words but I think this isn't true. First, you need your words to take action, then the behavior that follows your words will speak for itself. 

I then turned around saying nothing. Weasley and the others were really astounded by me not going all over them. It probably was the last time I said something means to Potter and his friends. I just let them be and they did the same to me and all of this hating and degrading just stopped because you said one sentence. You always had this power over me that I couldn't resist obeying.

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Important! 

This part of the story will be divided into three parts. The way he was when he met Heaven, the way he's becoming the person he was and the way he became the person he is now. This chapter is rather short and nothing special but I really love the chapter that is coming next because of the way they get to know each other.  So please let me know if you like it, it would mean a lot to me!

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Also please mind

that this story doesn't really have a plot! Well in some way it has one in the present where Draco and her ghost talk to each other as you will see when you keep reading but it's mostly some memories that made Draco happy or sad. The memories don't have a chronological order just like thoughts they are coming and leaving Dracos mind throughout the night. Please mind that this story is about Draco living in the past and losing himself there instead of living right now. 

Also, my story does not follow the Harry Potter plot as you might as well noticed. Thank you very much for your loving and supporting words you leave here in the comments! It makes this story an even more beloved place as it already is. I love you guys and keep being beautiful on the inside and out!