𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 ‣ 𝙳𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚘 𝙼𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚘𝚢 ✓

- Loving Heaven is like.. -

- past / The Hufflepuff party -

I couldn't even cry. I just stood there, in front of the opened door with Pansy right in front of me. I got stone-cold sober all of a sudden and my body went numb. I never experienced my body so numb when being drunk. It's the complete opposite of how I should have felt. I just stared right away across the hallway into nothing but darkness and emptiness. 

Pansy took my hand and dragged me out of the Hufflepuff common room and even further. My legs were moving on their own, not knowing where to go. Everything seemed to be so useless and without any sense. My life all of a sudden went back to the day before we met. Hopeless and dry. The thoughts about me not changing made myself bleed. I worked so hard to achieve these goals. I wanted to be different. I had to be different. I had to show you that I've changed and that for once you're not right. 

Pansy pushed me into the next boy's toilet and with one evil glance all the other boys inside left. She guided me to the sink and put the water on. I had to lean against the sink because I felt like I'd fall every second possible. All of a sudden I began to breathe heavier. With every thought that came into my mind, I took another breath. I thought I was going to suffocate and I had to gasp for air. Memories flooded my mind and each of them made another piece of my sight going black. I realized how Pansy was trying to calm me down, said some comforting words. When she noticed me hyperventilating, she tried to untie my green and white tie so I could breathe more fluently. I reached for the flowing water out of the sink and the cold water on my face made my mind clearer than it ever was. 

"What did I do? What did I do Pansy? Pansy? Please.. help me. Please" I stuttered out of breath and full of tears. I started to cry so badly because I couldn't cope with the feelings inside of me. They were too painful and I never thought I'd experience something as painful as this. Of course, I did when you died my love.. but this heartache was the most hurtful thing that ever happened to me before. I thought I've lost you. I didn't know I hadn't. I didn't know there wasn't much time left until I'll lose you forever. The ache was made in the heart and went down to my stomach, to my legs, to my toes. I couldn't stand any longer so I let myself slide down on the floor, pressing my back against the wall so hard it hurt as the bricks were in my way.

I cried so bad I was wheezing. I hunched with my head between my legs, wobbled back and forth. I wanted the pain to stop. I cried so loud I didn't even realize how Pansy sat down right next to me and ran her fingers through my hair. "Shh shh Draco. It's going to be okay" she whispered but I couldn't hear her. I hit my fist against my chest a few times as my heart ached so bad, hoping for it to stop this way. Why did everybody tell me how precious love is but no one ever said how it feels when you pushed your luck too hard, it's fading and you're left with nothing but regret.

A few minutes passed until I got myself back together. Just a little bit. I let myself fall against the bricks behind me. My head hurt as soon as it hit the cold wall but instead of pain, I felt relief. 

"With all the tears I lost for her, it drowns the love I thought I knew" I mumbled and ran once again with my hand across my face. Pansy then took my hand and squeezed it once again. She wanted to let me know that she's there for me. Whatever happened. Whenever something happened. And I was so grateful for her. "Is there even a point in trying? Trying to get her back?" I asked her and turned my head around to look her in the eyes. I wanted to see if she'd lie to me.

"There's always a point in trying Draco. Always. But not right now. I didn't let you go so you can't mess it up even more. You need to give her time. Time to heal, time to think about it. What you did was not okay. It was disrespectful and hurtful in every way possible. You need to give her time. That's something you have to promise me Draco, alright?" she answered and swiped away my tears with her long nails on her fingers. I nodded and closed my eyes.