𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 ‣ 𝙳𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚘 𝙼𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚘𝚢 ✓

- Insecurity -

!!! - Heaven's pov - !!!

- past -

Nervously I bounced my leg up and down and my fingers tried to tap a calming melody on the wooden Slytherin table. My nails were so short it hurt when they hit the rough surface. I bit them off due to a lot of stress. I was stressed because I forgave you. 

I forgave you cheating on me and it bothered me that everything went perfect between us. I was so scared something might ruin our love once again. If I only knew that this would be the case and our love will be ruined forever. If I only knew, I'd stop overthinking and start living. I would have started loving you more intensely if I only knew I was going to die.

"If you keep doing this, you'll have to join the school choir soon" Fred's voice whispered in my ear from behind and interrupted my thinking. "And I guarantee you that's something you don't want to do unless you like singing with ugly toads."

I smiled vaguely and began thinking again. I thought about why all of this bothered me the way it did. 

"What's wrong with you Heav? You've been acting strangely in the last few days. Weeks to be honest. Since you forgave that ferret, you're not yourself anymore. You didn't even laugh about my joke about Ron and his Pettigrat." Fred mentioned with sorrow in his eyes. I nodded vaguely again.

After some time, ignoring Fred, I came to the conclusion that my mistrust came from the exact same thing, I told you yours came from. Insecurity. Not loving myself enough. I needed to fix things as soon as possible. The difference between you and me Draco.. was the fact that I once had enough self esteem and you didn't. While you had to built yours, I lost mine.

Without saying anything to Fred I got up and left the Great Hall. He immediately followed me and didn't leave my side. When we entered the Slytherin common room, some fifth years whistled because of a Gryffindor walking around in the dungeon and said some cruel words towards him. If I was myself I'd say something to defend Fred, but I wasn't so I kept silent. 

"Heaven!! You're getting on my nerves. Tell me what's wrong with you I won't leave until I know what it is. We tell us everything. I even told you about my sixth toe I accidentally conjured myself and can't get rid of it. I doubt yours is worse than that." Fred nearly screamed so loud I wondered who else knew about his toe by now. I didn't say anything and we entered my dorm. I started to clean my room when Fred continued to speak "Oh merlin you can tell me if you got your strawberry week and you're upset with boys breathing, but please tell me"

"I don't have my period Fred." I mumbled and stopped doing what I did. I turned around in his direction and when he asked what's wrong then, I said it once again.

"I don't.. have my period Fred" I said louder this time. My mind was racing, counting the days.  When Fred saw my racing eyes his mouth opened and didn't shut again. 

"Well. That's worse than my toe. That's worse." he said and came closer to me. "Are you sure? When was it supposed to come?" 

"I don't know. I was so stressed and worried about .. things I totally forgot about it. I think last week.. maybe two. Fred I don't know" I stuttered and tears made their way out of my eyes. I put my hand on my stomach to feel something even though I knew I wouldn't. 

"Fred I can't do this. I can't. The war, Draco, school. I don't even have money.."

"Well money won't be a problem with a baby daddy like Malfoy" Fred grinned but his smile faded again as soon as he saw my dead serious face. "Oh come on Heaven you don't know it yet. Maybe it's just the stress. I had a girlfriend once she didn't have her period in months! I was going crazy because I thought I had to take care of another ginger brat. But she was just stressed. So calm down and maybe go to Madame Pomfrey. She'll know what do to."

"Fine. And then I go to her and she says I am fucking pregnant from Draco Malfoy and suddenly I become the first ever pregnant girl in this school. I'm looking forward to those looks" I hissed at him. His words didn't help at all. 

"Okay I am sorry Heav.. but at least if it is really true, your child was made out of nothing but purest love.. I think so at least" he tried to comfort me. I nodded. That was true. I always wanted to have children with you. I couldn't think of anything else sometimes but I didn't want one now. 

Thinking about it once more, a warm and loving feeling overcame me. The doubts about it were gone for a minute and my future was clearer than ever. You and me. Together with this gift you gave me. My teary face brightened up due to a smile I couldn't hold in. I liked it. My future.

- present -

"Did you know that I was pregnant?" I say so quietly you can barely hear me. My voice echoes into the silent room since you don't talk to me anymore for days.

"What?" you ask to be sure you didn't misunderstand my sentence.

"I was pregnant when I died. And when I did, it felt like the body of our child never left me. It's still there. Dead as well. But with me being here, it's here too. I wasn't sure if I was pregnant when I was alive.. but now I am sure about it. I can feel it inside of me."