𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 ‣ 𝙳𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚘 𝙼𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚘𝚢 ✓

- What a heavenly way to die -

- Author's note - 

Warning! This chapter contains (not explicit) details about self-harm.

- present -

!!! Draco's pov !!!

Without saying anything to you, I run out of my apartment to catch some air. Once again I feel like I am going to suffocate. Each time I think my heartache can't get worse, it does. I walk up and down outside and decide to take the iron stairs to the street. Just to get away from you. I look around, I forgot where the next Floo Network is.. My mind is empty. My body numb except for my pounding heart. I stumble across the street and have to lean against the bricky wall of a random house. I gag and throw up in the middle of the street. Some random muggles eye me with disgust, thinking I am probably drunk. It's so hard to breathe. I have to concentrate on doing so. Breath in. Breath out.

With shaking fingers I ring the doorbell. As soon as the door opens and my mother sees me, she's full of sorrow. I have to look terrible because the look on her face says it all. She takes me by the hand and leads me to her living room. It is way smaller than the one at Malfoy Manor but it's enough. I barely make it to the couch and let me fall down on it as soon as I reach the black surface of it. My mother brings me tea and sits down right next to me. I can't handle it any longer. I break out in tears and I cry with all my heart. I convulse in pain and fall down on my mother's lap. Comforting and loving, she runs her finger through my hair. She doesn't ask any questions, she just knows that I need to cry right now. I need a place to be safe. A place where I can express the pain inside of me. I feel like the last living piece inside of me died with one sentence of you. 

After some time I am able to sit straight. My mother wipes away the tears on my swollen face and gives me a small kiss on my forehead. 

"She's pregnant mother" I whisper still in disbelief. Her face straightens.

"Who is pregnant Draco? What did you do?"  she asks squeezing my hand.

"She was. She was mother. My biggest dream came true and turned into a nightmare I can't escape from." I stutter while my glance leads into nothingness. My mother seems to understand and her eyes stare at the ground. She's searching for words where none can be found to ever heal me again. 

"How am I supposed to move on? How can I move on knowing all of this? I think I can't mother" I cry and don't move at all. "I survived everything. I survived the war, her death, her funeral, her ghost being the worst person ever. I survived everything but I can't deal with this information. It's too much. I can't go on anymore." 

When I spoke, I realized that my mother doesn't even know about you being here with your ghostly presence. So I tell her everything and she doesn't seem to be pleased about it. Every now and then she shakes her head in disbelief. 

"Bringing someone dead back to life isn't the natural order of life Draco. It's dangerous my son. I know you loved her more than anything in this world but this doesn't give you the right to disturb her peace. Let her rest Draco. Give you some rest as well." is all she can say after I finished explaining myself. I look her in the eyes. I can see pain, relief, love and understanding in them. They comfort me in a way, no one else could. 

She was right. I should give myself some rest. 

So I stand up, hug her tight, tell her I love her and leave. I'm on my way to you Heaven but you don't know it yet. 

Slowly I open the door to my apartment. There you are beautiful as ever, just a little wasted by every day that brought weight on your petite, weak shoulders. As soon as you see me, you smile. Maybe you thought, I am not coming back to you. But how could I ever leave you? How could I ever hate you when your name is all I ever felt when I was around you? How could I ever not love you?

"Why did you tell me now? 4 years later? About our child?" I mumble but can't look you in the eyes. The pain is still too present to forget about it.

"I feel like our time is coming to an end. I feel like you're sending me back home. I think you deserve to know the truth before letting me go. Maybe you'll come with me. And we can be the family we always wanted to be. Not in this life but in some other. Maybe some even better. I thought.. maybe this information helps you to decide what you're going to do with your life.. and with me. I thought you will know what to do with our passion as soon as you hear about it. I don't want to leave you Draco. I never wanted to. So come with me and all your sorrows will fade. I promise." you whisper and strike my cheek. My head is still turned away from you. The thing I will have to do may be the hardest decision ever but I have to do it, to finally be happy. With or without you Heaven.

I hesitate. Thoughts are racing inside my brain even though they already know where they belong to. I already know what I am going to do. Without saying something, I grab a paper and a pen. I write down some names, some thoughts, some goodbyes. Some I love yous and stick it to one of my books I am reading. They will find it and they will understand. I am sure. I glance right next to the books where the stone of resurrection lies. Softly I pick it up.

"You're right Heaven. Angels like you can't fly down here with me." I mumble and look at the tiny stone in my hand. My hand is wet due to all the tears I cried as I turn the little stone around three times. 

I turn around and you're gone. You're gone once again. Forever. How wonderful it would have been if you were the one for me.

I grab my wand, sit down on my bed and with the last ray of sunshine coming through my window, I hold it against my head. Life was wonderful with you, but it isn't without you.

Life is like a game of Pac Man. It's the same game over and over again. Same cherries. Same ghosts. Sometimes you get a bunch of cherries and sometimes.. sometimes those ghosts catch up with you.