Sweet As Sugar

Chpt 11

(Eoghans pov)
It's been a few weeks since I found out about my daughter. I haven't told anyone about her mostly because I don't know if Cassidy wants people to know or not. I've met up with Cassidy and Lucia a few times after the initial meet up, Lucia is slowly warming up to me she even reached out for me the last time we were together.
As much as I love spending time with the two of them I honestly need to meet up with Cassidy and Cassidy alone so we can have a long talk and answer questions.
I think my mother is getting suspicious of me because I keep disappearing without any notice. She told my dad to talk about it with me he just told me to not do drugs and to wear protection. Too late for protection.
I've resorted to sneaking out to meet up with Cassidy and Lucia so nobody gets suspicious of me, But then there's my sister who practically knows everything about everyone ever since my mother got suspicious of me my sister has been on my case nonstop.
I mean it is true that we are extremely close but there are things that we don't and won't ever need to know about each other.
Just knowing about Lucia changes everything, I've been saving any money I get instead of spending it, I've been studying non stop making sure I get good grades.
I do give myself breaks from everything just to reset and filter my thoughts.
I'll admit it's weird having to sneak out to visit my child but it's worth it she's an absolute angel possibly the happiest baby I've ever met.
The fear of people's reactions is crippling but hope is the only thing stronger then fear and those two girls are full of it.
I feel extremely guilty about not telling my parents about their granddaughter but Cassidy as made it extremely clear that she doesn't want my parents to find out.
Maybe I could tell Chloé.
I mean if our friend group is going to get back together she's going to find out anyway.
I quickly text Cassidy asking her if we can meet up which she immediately replies asking where.

Sitting on the swings looking at eachother waiting to see who will talk first.
Nobody is in the playground as the sun is setting.
"Did you ask me to come here to talk or just to be in eachothers company?"
I turn my attention back to her.
"Are you going back to school?"
"I have to soon it's going to be difficult since I don't have a baby sitter for Lucia yet"
"Maybe you could put her in a daycare or something?" I reply mostly unsure on how to actually reply to her.
"No all the daycares around here and school are way too expensive"
I nod and look at the sun setting again.
"Mom and Riley are both working so that's not an option"
"I just don't know what to do"
I turn back to her and hold her hand.
"Maybe we should change the subject for now Cas?"
She nods.
"Want to go do something?"
She looks at me quizzically.
"Want to go roller skating?"
"I-"
"I'm not sure I should go"
I let go of her hand and get of the swing and stand in front of her.
"Why shouldn't you go?"
"I should get home to Lucia-"
"Aren't your parents looking after her?"
"Yes but-"
I offer her a hand which she hesitantly accepts.
"I'm sure they won't mind you staying out a little later"
"I really don't think I should Eoghan"
"Maybe another time"
I nod understanding that she really doesn't want to go and will keep making excuses.
I stand in front of her holding her hands and looking into her eyes.
She looks at the ground blushing slightly.
"Want to go for a walk instead?"
She nods sheepishly.
I let go of her hands and start to walk she quickly catches up and walks next to me.
"So you want nobody in my family to find out about Lucia?"
"For now Eoghan,Chloé is obviously going to find out at some point"
"Do you mind if I tell her when I get back home?"
Cassidy thinks about my questions for a few moments as we continue on walking.
"I don't see why not as long as she doesn't tell your parents"
"She'll probably be spamming you for pictures once I tell her"
Cassidy lets out a little giggle but quickly dismisses it shaking her head.
I put an arm around her which she doesn't refuse.
"Cassidy?"
"Hmn?"
"What are we?"
"What do you mean?"
"What is our relationship?"
"I honestly don't know anymore-"
I think about it for a few seconds we're friends but we both know theres so much more going on I mean we have a child together.
We're not dating so I don't think you could call us lovers.
Even if I asked her to be my girlfriend I don't think she'd accept.
"I think our relationship is simply that we had past chemistry and have a child together"
"I don't think there anything more to it"
Her words leave me confused if there's nothing more to it then why does she let me put my arm around her or hold her hands.
By the tone of her voice she knows so much more is going on but she doesn't want to admit it.
Maybe that's why she didn't want to go roller skating people could consider it a date.
Then again I don't know why she cares so much about what people think as long as we know the truth why should anyone else matter.
I feel so bad not telling my family about Lucia they have every right to know but I don't have a say in the situation well kinda but not really.
Maybe I could babysit Lucia some day and secretly take her to my house to show her off.
But that will crush Cassidy if she finds out.
'If'
I think that's what I'm going to do because if I let Cassidy decide when my family will meet her it will be at my funeral.

We must have been walking for ages because when I snap put of my thoughts we're outside a house.
"Well this is my stop Eoghan"
"Is this your house Cas?"
She nods in reply.
I don't know what to do since I want to see Lucia but I know Cassidy probably won't be comfortable with that.
Cassidy seems to be as confused as me probably wondering if she should invite me in or if all hell will break loose when I enter in the front door.
She opens the door hesitating for a moment not know what to say.
"Goodbye Eoghan"
"Bye Cas"
She turns around and close the door behind her.
I stay standing for a few seconds before turning back and walking away.
As I walk away I hear a baby cry and feel and immediate pang of overwhelming guilt as I can't help soothe my own child.
I truly feel like I can't be there for her.
And maybe that's just the way Cassidy wants it to be.