One Shots (Damian Wayne x reader)

In the Back of my Mind

Triggered WARNING : mention of suicide / self-mutilation

 I felt the wind on my face, playing with my hair. I watched the city below me, buzzing with life. Cars honking, people chatting, screaming. Pigeons flying in bystanders' legs.

Rain was about to fell. Dark clouds were covering the sky. The only lights were coming from the street-lights, yellowish halos on the wet macadam.

And here I was. Standing on the edge of the eight-floor building's roof. The tips of my feet in the void. The wind got stronger, my body swaying from side to side by its blows. One side was safety. One side was the end. The end of everything.

It started a year ago. All these thoughts. I had just arrived in Gotham for my first year at the university. I always had lived in the country side and the big city had intimidated me a little. I felt like it would swallowed me if I wasn't careful enough.

University had started and I had big hope. My future was planned. I just had to go step by step to reach my goals.

But things went down bit by bit without me noticing at first.

First it was just a bad grade. Nothing to worry, I'll study harder. Then at my student job, this colleague was a bit touchy, not knowing about personal space. Nothing to worry, it's not like I have to work with him every day. Then one of my friends turned their back on me because I forgot to go at one of our shopping date. Nothing to worry, I have other friends and maybe this friend would come back, knowing damn well that I'm sorry.

But these friends, I saw them less and less because I needed to study harder. And this colleague I have to see more and more because I needed to pay the rent.

But don't worry mom, I'm fine. That what I said to her each time she called. I'm fine. People got it worse than me. I have a roof and food. I have friends and I have a good education. I shouldn't complain. I felt a bit guilty feeling like shit when my life is not that hard.

And one day, going out of bed was harder. The next day it was raining and then I got another bad grade. But I'm fine. I can do better. I'll study harder.

And another friend stopped calling to ask if I could come hanging out.

Another day and that guy in the subway took me for a humping bag. No one did anything to help me, just looking away. And the next day I wished I could stay in bed all day but I had to go to my job.

And one night, coming home after my job, I crashed into my bed. I felt exhausted. In the back of my mind a little voice was nagging me. Maybe I could just take a beer in my fridge to relax. And the next day it was two beers.

Another day, talking with a friend who seemed happy. I smiled too but I wasn't feeling her happiness. She laughed. I asked myself when was the last time I had laughed. I reached my flat still trying to remember.

I tried to talk about it to some friends. But they told me that I shouldn't worry. I'm fine. I'm just a bit down. I should take a warm bath, find a one-night stand or eat ice cream while watching a movie, and tomorrow will be brighter.