A court of Shadows & Blood (An ACOTAR / Azriel fanfiction)

Chapter 15

I was back in Reapersbrook.

This time I wasn't the one talking to Azriel though.

Someone was there, a voice, coming from every direction, that was urging him to lift his sword and slit his own throat.

I could only stand and watch.

I screamed at him, finally, to stop, to think about Cassian, Rhysand, Morrigan, Amren, Feyre, me. To think about the promise he made, to look after Alcina.

I reminded him how Cassian would never be whole again if he left, how Rhysand would lose a brother, how Morrigan, Amren and Feyre would exchange the world just to sit with him in silence again.

How I would go the end of the world and back just so I could see his smile again and sit with him on the edge of a window and point out stars.

We would explore more constellations, I told him, but he wasn't listening.

He had his blade pressed against his neck.

I told him I would cook for him again and if I was too tired, he could cook for both of us because he cooked just as good as a witch.

I begged him to stay because I had noone else and I was so, so tired of losing.

Slowly, he slid the blade and I stopped screaming.

He collapsed, the shell of the man I loved.
Invisible arms let go of me but I didn't have it in me to move. His own blood pooled around him as I stood and watched. Unblinking.

As if under a spell, I moved.

And then, I ran.

He was miles away. Drifting in a sea of his own blood.

I held his hand, this time he didn't hold mine. He didn't squeeze my hand when I kissed his palm, the stars fading away. I kissed him, half mad from the sight of his pale face, and he didn't kiss me back.

I told him how I thought his scars were the most beautiful ones because they held infinities. Stories of his childhood, stories he had lived, hardships he had endured and never told anyone, pains he couldn't put into words and most importantly - They were the stories of the man he became.

The man I loved and would love until I became one with the darkness.

He didn't smile, his eyes didn't shine, he didn't kiss me and tell me that I was his wishing star.

He didn't ask me to tell him about more constellations.

He was gone and he left me behind.

So I asked him questions.

What would Cassian do if he ever wanted to fly over Velaris and didn't have someone by his side?

What would Rhysand do if Cassian and Morrigan got into a fight and he was caught in between? Who would he have sparring matches with?

What would Morrigan do if she wanted to play a board game and she was losing?Who would she ask for help if she wanted to cheat?

Who would Amren sit with when she had had enough of everyone's bickering?

Who would be there for Feyre is she needed a brother?