𝕊𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕕 𝔸𝕨𝕒𝕪 | 𝚂𝚞𝚔𝚞𝚗𝚊 𝚁𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚗, 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚞 𝙶𝚘𝚓𝚘

.𝟙𝟟

"If you want me to take you, then why are you crying ?" he sighed as he passed his thumb on my cheek.

I didn't notice the tears streaming down my face.

"I want you, please take me..." I said, almost begging. I needed him to ease the pain, I needed him to fill the hole Sukuna left in me.

As he pushed himself off of me, I grabbed his arm.

"Wait – I said I want you to -"

He took my hand and gently unclenched my fingers from around his arm.

"You want me because you miss him. Am I right ?"

My eyes widened at his question, which sounded more like an affirmation. I wanted Gojo, I truly did. But he was right. I couldn't help but think about Sukuna. He haunted my mind and my body. When Gojo touched me, it made me think about Sukuna. I felt so guilty.

"I - I don't-"

With a gentle smile, he got off the bed and walked away from me.

"Please don't go." I sobbed, grabbing the sheets to hide my nudity.

"I'm just putting my pants back on." he chuckled before climbing up on the bed to lie beside me.

"It's my fault." he sighed. "I know how you feel and still, I pushed it. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I'm not lying when I say I want you... I have feeling for -"

He shushed me with a finger on my lips.

"Don't say anything. I know." he paused to smile at me. "But I can't change the fact that you want him more than you want me."

I jumped into his arms, hugging him as tight as I could. I felt for him. My heart was always beating so fast whenever he laid his icy eyes on me, whenever he was kind to me. But he was right, again. No matter how much I liked him, what I felt for Sukuna was more intense, more primal. It was just, more everything.

I kept telling him I was sorry, again and again. He listened quietly, sometimes nodding, sometimes whispering "I know" while caressing my hair and stroking my back when I broke down into tears. He would just hold me against him, trying to comfort me. 

I didn't deserve him.

I fell asleep in his arms, tired of feeling.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

A YEAR AFTER,

I couldn't say if I was happy with how things were right now. I was seeing my father every other Sunday to hear him talk about our family stories and to let him know about my college year. I was happy to finally have a father to lean on. I wouldn't have imagined him to be so caring, which made me forgive him about the abandonment. I understood he had his reasons, and all the efforts he put into our relationship were proof enough he regretted what he had done. 

Gojo and I were as close as ever. He would always stay at home with me, or I would follow him to Jujutsu Tech. He never had to return to Sukuna, for he said he didn't need him anymore and that he would let Yuji alone, and Gojo trusted his words. So we had plenty of time to watch movies together and snuggle. Often, we'd kiss, and sometimes, we'd pleasure each other all night long. I needed him as much as he needed me. 

However, I was still a virgin.

I still didn't deserve him, and felt guilty everyday. Guilty to miss Sukuna, everyday. It was hard to forget about him, when almost everyday on the news, were records of his massacre. He became relentless. He never killed as much in 3 years as he did in a year. Whispers were that the sorcerers' family were in preparation for their last battle, as my father said. He said they had come with the perfect plan.