𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐄'𝐒 𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋.ʜᴀɴᴊɪ ᴢᴏᴇ̈

『40』Acceptance

XXXXXXXX, XX XXX, 850, about 21 minutes left.

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It was quiet, so much so that you swore the atmosphere in the slightly bumpy carriage was borderlining awkwardness -despite getting to know the other two people with you quite well over the past five or so years. The interior of your ride was a nice, tranquil red; the maroon colour appreciated but practically going unnoticed as it was trumped in splendour by the white, intricately woven curtains that lined the windows of the two doors.

Your eyes traced a particular thread, trying your best to follow it as it united with others nearby to form multiple flowers of various shapes and sizes -and every once in a while you found yourself wanting to bang your head against the carriage's wall when you lost track of it due to a bump in the stone road, said bump just enough to tear your hues away from your focus. For the past hour and fifteen minutes or so, you, Levi and Erwin had been mostly wordless as you rode into Stohess -save for the few formalities which were exchanged when you and the short corporal first joined the commander. Upon entering, you sat beside the carriage's right wall, across from Erwin and ultimately leaving Levi to choose the seat at your left or the one on Erwin's right -and in the end the ravenette sat himself next to you with a good thirty centimetres in between you both, the two of you facing towards the driver despite not being able to see them at all.

Forcing yourself to keep in a sigh, you found yourself more bored than nervous and anxious as you could possibly have been getting a one-way ticket straight to your death, 'Y'know, it's been what, five years that I've been giving it my all to avoid dying? Eight if you include my days training as a cadet... and now that I could possibly be here, knocking on death's door, I don't even care?'

You bit your tongue to stop inappropriately snorting at the ironic thought, 'The logical thing to say is that I'm in shock I suppose, but that might actually come to my advantage here if it gives me a level head when otherwise I'd be panicky and shaky.' Drifting your spheres over and out the window, you watched as many lively towns-people -all dressed in fancier clothing given that Stohess was in Wall Sina, the innermost and most economically stable of the three Walls- walked about on the sides of the roads; a woman walking with a parasol that twirled in her hand as it rested upon her shoulder, a man laughing to his son as he bent down and ruffled his hair, an older lady giving who looked to be her daughter a glare as the latter shook her head, the former seeming to be just about ready to pop a vein on her forehead at her daughter's blatant refusal to whatever she had said. It was lively, bright and cheery for the most part -and at the sight of it, a small piece of you longed to have such a life once more, 'Not necessarily an aristocratic one, but just a normal civilian life -the old one I used to have.'

Yet, even though the picturesque, ideal display was practically within your reach, you knew that you could never attain it. You had chosen a soldiers life ever since the day you graduated from training -although if you were to be completely honest with yourself, it wasn't until you had gotten to know the Special Operations Squad that you knew for sure you couldn't leave; they were at first your superiors, then your comrades, then your friends, and then your family, 'And it's because of people like them that I've given up everything I could have had -living a normal life with a loving spouse, in a nice place that we could call our own as we hid from the titans behind the Walls. Hell, in a perfect world, I would have met Hanji before we both joined and we could've settled down somewhere.' you thought, moving your orbs to the roofs of the buildings as you passed them, 'Yeah no, that's not plausible anymore -if it ever really was.' The realisation didn't sadden you however, you just took it in as a fact that couldn't be helped -as if someone had simply mispronounced your name, or given you a smaller roll of bread in the Mess Hall- you truly found yourself unbothered by it and a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things.