My yandere GF and Me

Day 7

I woke up in the middle of the afternoon to which I was greeted with the blinding light of the sun.

"Ugh....damn bro kept me wake all night long..."

While today was a rest day, I would had to sleep and get my assignments done. However, I've already finished them last night and there's only a few left to which I only need to edit them before submitting but I can do that later.

'To be honest, am I really lucky to have dated a girl?'

It wasn't to say that I feel negative about myself but with bad luck with women around me, I feel like Kathie's unusual behavior with liking me sounds so superficial. I don't even believe myself to be a perfect guy at all since I am just likable being a friend type rather than being a boyfriend material.

"To be honest, I do look a bit good-looking."

Turning into a mirror, one thing changes was my weight before going to college. I was obese and look more as a pig rather than being labeled as a hottie and the reason why I lost weight was that we cut off our food budget after that guy left.

I do a bit of an exercise but its mainly to keep up my stamina so I can last longer while moving back and forth to save up money.

I'll be honest with you, I'm actually a cheapskake that prefers to buy the necessities rather than luxury and only spend them when its either important or just to congratulate myself. I'm usually strict upon myself since I usually blame myself for my mother's death which is why I never praise myself and improve to be better.

So I either study, work out or even learn to be independant to never rely on others and never be to arrogant.

However, after meeting Kathie....

'I feel so relaxed being by her side and....'

To be honest, it didn't completely justified whether I like her or not but if I can open myself up to her. I do share everything to her. Except something important and the core of my being.

Trust.

I did say that we should open each other's heart and whatnot but to be honest, I could never do that, even if I end up dying. Thats the core of my being and my safe haven from the pain I've built.

Some people can simply say that they can open all his heart for you but for me, I rather improve myself to be better than showing my heart to someone.

Not only that, the trust is actually not just harming others but to myself as well.

I can't trust Kathie, my friends, my family. Hell, I can't even trust myself anymore. The moment I open my heart, I feel as if something would happen to me and I feel the dread of it happening.

I can smile like an idiot, stay calm when getting insulted or mocked by Trish, I can even be patient with Kathie's attachment which invokes my Trauma but the moment I let out my heart, I feel the terror in my body that if something bad were to happen, I would completely lose it.

I got rejected by the girl I liked, I lost my mom at the time of my darkest moment. I even found out about my father's adultery. It all culminates on how broken I was and began to erode my mind of I slowly becoming mentally unstable as time goes on.

Which is why I can never let out my heart to others, even to myself.

"Hey Ziks, there's food on the table if you haven't had any lunch."

"Right. Thanks Bro."

One of my brothers called out to me the moment I was awake and told me about to take a lunch. He simply was just watching a video with earphones as I lazily stretch my body before heading to the dinning room where the food was set up and start munching down.