⚠️Warnings: Fighting, angst, drug abuse, fluffy ending, caring Bucky, Relapsing, addiction, needles, heroin, but overall just fluff and a really caring Bubky (intended) Barnes:)⚠️
A/n: this is a heavy topic to write about. I hope this does not trigger anything. I am new when it comes to writing about drugs. But I have watched a lot of movies and read a lot of books dealing with drugs. I have also experienced alcohol addiction first hand and have actually been abused because of someone's addiction. So this may be a bit hard to understand or read. So please read the warnings! It is my number one priority to entertain you guys, not scare you.
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"Congratulations!!" A celebratory dinner was arranged by your beloved boyfriend Bucky. 6 long months. 6 long months to sobriety. Not one smoke, not one sniff, not one shot. You detoxed 5 months ago after stopping. Bucky helped you stop taking the drugs. He helped you clean yourself up, get a job, find your family again.
The memory replayed in your brain numerous times while you shook. Each breath you took, you felt your eyes water even more. The reminder of the feeling came on your arms and your toes. The pricks of small shots hitting your skin.
You had to feel it again.
You knew where you hid it, and you hid it good. You broke the streak you were trying so hard not to break. You broke the promise that you made Bucky 6 months ago. You promised you wouldn't take it back up, but that didn't last long. Did it.
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING AND GORE WARNING (NEEDLES AND HEROINE) READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)⚠️
You injected the needle into the crevas of your elbow. The cool liquid felt good on your hot skin and heated veins. But the sensation soon took a turn. The skin looked flushed, your mouth was dry. Yet all of this felt so heavenly. Your mind was in a clouded state where all you could think about was the white static of a television.
Your stomach was getting an odd pressure on it. It didn't feel like a stomach ache, but at the same time it felt like someone was scraping a knife in the pit of your abdomen. You stumbled your way into the bathroom to try and get anything out of your system. All that came out of your mouth was stomach acid. Soon you just found yourself falling to your bed. The lightheadedness soon faded into a drowsy, drunk like state. The pillow underneath your head was getting soaked by a bloody nose, and drool by the second.
On the bright side, you'll finally be able to sleep tonight.
What you didn't expect to happen, was Bucky knocking on your door. You didn't hear it, but you knew he was there. When you didn't answer at the 7th knock, he opened the door. It wasn't locked? Hm. You could have sworn you locked it. You didn't want saving. Especially from an ex. It was a bad break up. Things were said. Things were done. And nothing you could do would make up for what happened that night. Bucky loved you. And you loved Bucky. But with the Avengers and your addiction, it just didn't mix. But that all changed tonight.
You couldn't hide the mess in your apartment. The needles, syringes, and the drug itself were scattered around on the floor. And Bucky saw all of it. "You promised. You said you would stop!!" His voice was a mere echo in your fogged brain. Your eyes wouldn't open. Your ears wouldn't listen. And Bucky didn't know about the relapse.
He flipped you over onto your back and tried to find a pulse. Luckily it was there, but it was faint. He shook your shoulders, and you could barely open your eyes. Bucky had to hold them open to try and see what was wrong. He couldn't do anything other than get help. He called Tony and Steve, and they quickly met Bucky at your apartment. They made sure you were ok and still alive, and took you back to the lab with them. Bucky had ran right along with you. Holding your shaking, cold hand the whole time.Bruce was able to get a lot of the drug out of your system.
But the only part left, was the regret.
Bucky knew you were sorry, he knew the break up was bad. But he still cared for you. He still loved you. And you knew you still loved him.
~~~~~~~~~🍃~~~~~~~~~
When you woke up, you heard the steady beeping of a heart monitor. You looked around at the dimly lit room, and met the blue eyes of Bucky. You sighed and said "Buck, I'm-" he stopped you. "Save it Y/n. You said you wouldn't hurt me. And look at what you are doing. Seeing you suffering is the most pain I have ever been in. That poison you put in your body never helps. It didn't cure anything. I wanted to help you and it feels like you just threw it all away." Tears were forming in your blood shot eyes. "Listen. I know the break up was hard. And I knew that you would come back to this. But it looks as if I was too late. Bruce said you could have died if you injected anymore of that stuff." You sighed and draped your arm over your eyes. You felt Buckys hand slip into yours and he said "I'm here now. Wait."
Deep down he knew it wasnt about the break up just like you knew that. His eyes widened as he realized now that you were relapsing. He knelt down on the floor to get as close as he could to you. "Dove I didn't think-" You shook your head and said in the strongest voice you had "Bucky, please. Please don't go." He held your hand tighter, and said "I'm not going anywhere love. I need to ask you a question and I need you to answer truthfully." You nodded and held his hand tighter as well. "Was this a relapse?" Tears fell from your eyes as you nodded. "It wasn't that long ago. I knew I wouldn't last." Bucky sat on the bed and you immediately scooted over. Not out of fear or disgust, no. You were making room for him.
You patted the spot next to you and he laid down with you. His right arm over your shoulders, and his left arm holding on to your arm that was laid across his stomach. He whispered, "I was worried about you. I just had a feeling something would go wrong. But I will be here every minute until you have at least 2 years under your belt of no drugs. I know you can do it Y/n/n. I believe in you. You just have to believe in yourself." You smiled and looked up at him. "Were you actually worried? I thought you hated me. I figured that no one would come because I'm such a disappointment."
Bucky turned a little bit and took your face gently in his hand. "Doll, don't you think for one second that you are a disappointment. We all have gone through our own challeneges. Some worse than others. But you are not alone in this. Steve, Nat, Wanda, Sam, Thor, Loki, Tony, Pepper, Peter, and the rest of the team will always have your back. Me most of all. Beucase you know what doll? I still love you." You sat up just a little bit. You were hiding the feelings deep down of your love for him too. "You really do?" You asked in a small and innocent voice. "Yes love. I do."
You leaned up and connected your lips with his. He pulled you closer and deepened the kiss. When you both pulled away, you sighed and closed your eyes laying on his chest. "I love you Bucky Bear. You're my hero."
"Don't worry about it dove. I'll always be here no matter the circumstances." That night, you were able to fall asleep peacefully in the arms of the man you loved. And you felt safe once again. It would be a hard journey, but it is one that you know for certain you won't be riding alone.
