Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind - Treebros

Chapter 21: "Bite My Cheek And Wince"

Tuesday, January 1st

Morning light filters through the cracks in the curtains, fucking blinding me. Birds are chirping gently outside and I want to throw something at them so they can shut the hell up and stop making my head pound even harder.

It's barely even ten o'clock in the morning, and for some horrible reason, I'm awake. I've already drank a million glasses of water, and my mouth still feels like a desert.

I want to go back to sleep, or find a way to get rid of this earth-shattering hangover. But Connor's still sprawled across my bed, and he's just starting to stir.

"Oh, fucking Christ. Somebody kill me," Connor groans into the pillow, curling up closer into himself before flipping onto his back, face scrunched in pain.

The second he sees me sitting at the foot of the bed, he squints at me.

"Ev? Shit, why are you-" he cuts himself off, realization dawning on his face, and I know he remembers what happened last night.

"Yeah. We need to talk," I say. Connor drops his head into his hands, hopefully because of the hangover, and nods.

"Can I get like Tylenol or something first? Preferably the whole god damn bottle?"

I reach over to my desk, where I'd left a glass of water and two Advil's for this express purpose.

"Drink it," I instructed. Connor's nose wrinkles in distaste as he downs the Advil. A few moments are spent in silence as he quietly sips the water.

When it's gone and he no longer has an excuse to ignore the elephant in the room, he finally speaks up. "You remember last night too?" he asks.

"How could I forget?" Connor nods, tracing the rim of the glass.

"What do you think?" I ask. He hasn't looked me in the eye yet, and I'm worried that everything was a drunken mistake.

"What do you mean?" he questions hesitantly, and I sigh.

"Don't- okay, don't skip around it, please. Just. What do you think?" I repeat, squeezing my eyes shut at how hard my head is starting to throb.

"I think that you kissed me," Connor states.

"I did," I agree.

"And I kissed back."

"That's true."

"And I think that I don't know why you did," he ends. As if I left anything unclear, because apparently making out with someone is ambiguous.

"This is the part where you tell me why you did," Connor says. I nod.

I don't even know how to begin to explain, so I just kind of start talking.

"I don't like you," I say.

"Oh." He shrinks into himself, and I know that was the wrong thing to say.

"No! No, fuck. Not like that. I mean..." I stumble over myself. Why are words so hard? How am I supposed to explain what I'm feeling when I don't know how?

"I hate you," I try again, praying he'll give me a chance to explain before taking my words at face value.

"What?" Connor asks, looking confused instead of hurt.

"I- I hate you. I've gone so long just wishing for something to change. Not even something to save me from that drowning feeling, but something that could make me want to start kicking towards shore."