Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind - Treebros

Chapter 37: "Anything To Make You Happy"

  Friday, June 7th

Shame runs sickeningly hot through my veins, shaking my body just as much as the sobs that tear through my throat. The sounds of my muffled gasps and whimpers echo far too loudly in the tiny bathroom stall. Someone's gonna hear.

It's so stupid. I'm so stupid. This is so stupid.

I'm the perfect picture of weakness right now. Knees to my chest, back against the gross tile of the school bathroom, face screwed up as I cry, cry, cry. Sometimes it seems that's all I know how to do.

It's not worth it. I know. It's so stupid to cry over something like this.

But every time I try to calm myself down, I see the big red numbers on the paper and my chin starts to wobble like a leaf clinging to a tree in the fall.

Embarrassment only adds to the mixture of emotions brewing inside of me. I wasn't exactly as subtle as I could be when Ms. Oshiro asked if I wanted to go into the hall for a moment, and I nodded frantically, my face red and my eyes bloodshot.

That was at least 15 minutes ago. No doubt she knows that I'm not just standing outside the classroom, collecting my thoughts. But I don't care. I hope she doesn't either.

Just as my sobs turn into hiccups, I hear fast-paved footsteps. I hold my breath to see if they come into the bathroom or not.

They do.

"Evan?" A familiar voice. I knew it wouldn't be long before he followed me. As much as I want to be alone right now, I'm kind of glad he's here.

"Yeah?" I sniff, wiping my tears with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. It's the one Connor got for me for my birthday.

"Can I come in?" he asks, rapping his knuckles on the door.

"Yeah. Yeah," I whisper, crawling forward to unlock the stall door. Carefully, Connor swings it open and smiles pitifully down at me. I smile back, watery and forced. We promised we'd try.

"Is it because of the test?" he asks, locking the door behind him and crouching down next to me.

And just like that, I press my lips together and it starts all over again. "Yeah," I reply, squeezing my eyes shut. It's been so long since I scored that badly on a test.

"What'd you get?" he asks, brushing my hair away from my face. It's gotten long enough for him to do that. It used to be pretty short, but now curls sweep across my forehead. I don't have enough energy in me to care how messy it looks.

"74." I swallow the sobs building, but end up choking. My shoulders shake. Right when I thought I had it together, too.

"That's not bad, Ev," he reassures, pulling me into him. The touch is almost too much right now, but I kind of crave the overstimulation.

"It is. It is bad. I failed it," I say, voice muffled against his shirt. He smells like Connor, but it's not as comforting as it usually is. Another round of tears starts.

"That's a C. That's not failing," he mumbles into my hair. He's wrong. I don't need him to rationalize why I shouldn't be upset. I just need him to let me cry.