Clear and Present Danger

Revelations

'Eomma, is there something wrong with you and Appa?' I asked my mother as I sat down beside her on our sofa. She was looking outside the window, and I could see that she was thinking deeply about something. I had to ask her a second time when I realized that she was not answering me.

She then looked at me and I saw glistening tears in her eyes, and in that moment I felt pain. Pain deep inside my heart that I could begin to place. I wanted to ask her what was bothering her but then she grabbed me and hugged me so tight.

'Yeon Hong, promise me one thing,' she said while her tears were falling down. I could feel it on my shoulders. I couldn't help but cry likewise.

'Eomma,' I replied, while my tears had a life of their own.

'Promise me that whatever happens, when you marry, get married to the man you truly love and never leave him,' she said. At that moment, I never understood why she said what she said. As young as I am, never did that thing occur nor reach my young mind yet.

'What do you mean, Eomma? I am still your little girl,' I answered her. But she only answered with a hug. We were crying that whole afternoon until I got tired and fell asleep. I remembered Eomma gently stroking my long black hair. That evening, Appa did not come home to have dinner with us. I went to sleep thinking that everything would be fine by the morning. But then when I woke up, I found Appa in the kitchen having coffee, alone.

'Appa, where's Eomma?' I asked him as I sat down on the chair beside him.

'She went away, Yeon Hong,' he replied blankly. I tried to analyze and I thought she was just somewhere, in the market maybe, or that I might have heard it wrong.

'Sorry, Appa?'

'Your mother went away,' he replied. 'She left us.'

In that moment, I wanted to dissipate and relive what happened that afternoon. I asked myself, if I had not fallen asleep would she have walked away? If I had not left her last night when I went into my room, would she have stayed? There were many things that went through my mind that day, and in denial I went to the sink and checked our utensils if Appa was just joking.

But he was not. Even our kitchen wares and utensils were only good for two people. Appa and myself.

He was right. Eomma left us. For good it seems.

When I graduated high school, I asked Appa. 'Appa, whatever happened between you and Eomma?'

He sighed. 'Yeon Hong. It was her choice to leave. I couldn't say I didn't love her, because I really do. But even so, she left us. She had to leave us, that's what she said. I never understood why, but I guess when you love someone you really have to let them go at some point when they say they can't be happy with you,' he replied. I looked at him and I recalled those words that Eomma told me the day prior to her leaving.

'But Appa, Eomma said that I should get married to the man I truly love and never leave him. Does she mean, she never loved you?' I asked. I was beginning to wonder why she said so. I didn't want to think that she never did love my father.

Appa sighed and smiled sadly.

'Yeonah, I can't say she didn't love me. We wouldn't have you if she didn't. I know she loved me and maybe she only gave you that reminder because loving someone doesn't mean that everything will be rainbows and butterflies. It also means you have to sacrifice,' he said. Turning to look at me, he continued.

'Your mother loves you, so do I. And I believe that she said that because she wanted you to know that loving the man you will choose to be with means that you will stand by him no matter what happens. Good or bad, decision after decision. I love your mother, Yeonah. And I know that what she did has a reason. Whatever it is.'