right now

18

the next day i wake up to no jacob. i frown a little but I'm glad he let me sleep in.

i roll out of bed and slide some shoes on. after i grab my bookbag and phone i trudge down stairs.

"well goodmorning, how'd you sleep?" xolo says with a huge smirk on his face

"good?" i say confused

"mhm i bet you did" he says and jacob quickly slaps him on the back of the head

"when i woke up and saw jacob in the other bed i almost screamed" mary says making me laugh

"what why?" jacob asks

"cause I'm used to seeing a cute sleeping ada but instead i just saw you" she says making me laugh harder. it's even funnier cause mary wasnt even trying to be funny or sarcastic she was just telling the truth

"okay lets not dwell on lastnight, we need to go" jacob says blushing.

we all head out the door and jacob and i go in one car and the other three goons in the other

"i think i should permanently move into you and mary's room. that way everyone can have a bed" jacob says as we drive to work

"oh yeah?" i say

"yeah, of course it's ONLY for everyones comfort... nothing else" he says smiling

"oh I'm sure" i say patting his cheek

when we get to work i had some scenes to do with billy which took a while but it was fun. billy was hilarious and for some reason today i could just not stop laughing.

"why you so happy? it's 8am usually you're all grumpy" billy says

"i don't even know, I'm just slap happy" i say smiling

"weird." he says which of course makes me laugh

-

at the end of a long day jacob and i finally meet back at the car.

"hey" i say smiling like a goon

"why are you so happy" he asks as we get in the car

"i think like five people have said that to me today. why is everyone so surprised" i ask

"cause you usually arent" he says bluntly while smiling

"i always am i just don't externalize it" i say

"can we stop by a 7/11?" i ask as he drives away from set

"yeah why" he asks

"i need more nic i ran out" i say

" you smoke?" he asks surprised

"uh yeah did you not know" i say a little embarrassed

"i mean i could've guessed" he says

"woah" i say laughing

"fine we can go get you some juul pods you feen" he says while laughing

i run into the 7/11 and get some pods and then quickly walk back to the car.

"happy?" he asks as i open the new pack of pods

"yup" i say

"you wanna hit?" i ask and he turns to look at me with a surprised look

"wha-? no, i meant the juul you freak" i say

"oh well then no" he says

guys ways with words confuse the hell out of me. "oh well then no" ???? so if i was talking about what he thought i was talking about it would've been a yes? i mean fine by me maybe i should've asked that instead

-

"where'd you guys go?" tanner asks as jacob and i enter the house

"hadda go get the baby her juul pods" jacob says

"i forgot you did that shit" tanner says

"yup" i say shrugging. my smoking habits were not a topic i liked discussing. i didn't even consider it smoking cause it just sounded too bad but, i guess that's what it was at the end of the day

"how do you do all your stunts and workout like an athlete when you consume all that" mary asks as we all sit or stand around the counter

"i honestly don't even know, it's hard though like when i get super tired you can literally hear my lungs cracking when i breathe" i say laughing but no one seemed to find my pain funny like i did. instead they all just sent me sad worried looks

"guys it's fine it isn't a big deal" i say

"how long have you been doing it?" tanner asks

"since i was like 11" i say sadly

"holy shit" jacob says surprised

"i know" i say

"if you ever wanna quit we can help you" mary says smiling

"i don't know if i can ever quit. i started when i was so young my body and brain were still forming when i first got hooked on it so I'm scared if i stop my whole body won't know how to function" i say

"i mean this in the nicest possible way but that's so sad" tanner says

"i know" i say.

i didn't even wanna hit my juul anymore. i felt so judged and like everyone was giving me weird stares. i knew it was all out of love and i can't be upset about that.

"okay I'm gonna go to bed" i say as i walk away from the pity stares

right as my head hit the pillow i immediately fell asleep

-

about an hour later i wake up to movement in my bed.

"hey I'm sorry" jacob says as he wraps his arms around me and we find ourselves in the similar position as lastnight

"what for?" i ask as i place my hand over his that was laying over my lower stomach

"i didn't mean to make you upset when we were talking about you vaping" he whispers

"you didn't make me upset. i was just upset with myself... i mean it's embarrassing" i say as i turn over so we were face to face

"you shouldn't be embarrassed. you're perfect" he
says making me smile as he softly moves some of my hair behind my ear to get a better look at me.

"I'm really scared" he whispers

"why" i ask confused

"the last time i felt like this about someone i got my heart ripped out of my chest" he says

"you shouldn't be scared. i don't think i could ever hurt you" i say softly. we sit there and stare at each other just taking in each others beauty. noticing all the little things about the other..

he slowly moves his hand to my neck and pulls me towards him. i kept looking from his eyes down to his lip. all i felt was butterflies when our lips finally touched. it was like this need to have him that i pushed way back in my mind, deep down in my soul. finally came out. my hands went to the back of his head to deepen the kiss. my hands were in his hair as we tried our best to keep this make out session quiet.

i think ten minutes went by of us just kissing each others lips, necks, and faces. as badly as i wanted to do more with him i think we both knew it wasn't the time or place. i rolled over so that now we were back in our original position and fell into that deep sleep that i only ever get when I'm in his arms.