right now

51

it's been two weeks since the vma's and I've grown so much. after my performance so many people have reached out for collabs and followed me. I've seen jeff quite a bit but a couple days ago he went to utah, we facetime a lot though.

I've been hanging out with franny and at the c4 house a lot again which makes me so happy. I'm still filming never have i ever on the weekdays but the schedule isn't as hectic as my other shows. and it films in LA which saves a lot of my time

I'm over at the c4 house currently helping jc and kian film a video. it's some challenge video but I'm just helping with props

"fuck we forgot to get the pool floaties" kian says

"we? bitch that was you" jc says

"okay lets go to the store" kian says

"what me too?" i ask as they look at me

"yeah you, your our props person" kian says

we all get in my car and drive to walmart

on our way there i get a call from jeff, which was weird cause usually he facetimed

"hey answer that and put it on speaker" i say to jc and he nods as he takes my phone

"hey what's up" i say

"jeffff" jc says

"he-y uh am i on speaker?" he asks

"yeah I'm driving, I'm with kian and jc" i say

"oh okay, could you take me off speaker for second" he asks his voice breaking at the end

"is everything okay?" i ask as i press the phone to my ear

"no i- uhh, got into an accident out here... it's pretty bad and I'm going into surgery in a few... ada they don't know if I'm gonna be able to get through this, i busted my eye and the whole side of my head" he says and i could tell by his voice he was crying

"wh-what" is all i could manage to say

"i have to go but i just wanted to talk to you incase-... i just wanted to tell you you've been a really fucking good friend. I've never met someone i clicked with as fast as i did with you. my umm... my friends tell me a lot that they think you and i would be good together, like in a relationship. and i would always say like no, no, she's too young whatever. but now that I'm here and I'm going into a surgery that i don't know if I'm gonna come out of alive all i wish is that i tried things with you. that i let the age thing go and just focused on what i was feeling... and what I'm feeling is that i really fucking like you ada" he says

"jeff i-" i begin to say but he cuts me off

"you don't need to say anything, i just wanted you to know how i felt" he says

"i need to go now, but if everything goes well which I'm praying to the lord for a miracle... I'll talk to you later" he says and he doesn't even give me time to answer

i feel tears brew in my eyes as i put my phone down

"ada?" jc says

"what happened" kian asks

"he um... got into an accident or something, going into surgery now... theres a good chance he won't-" i try to say but my voice cracks

"ada... it's all gonna be okay i promise" jc says

"it just feels like deja vu... i mean i'm still getting over not having corey and i finally make a new friend and god just isn't on my side" i say

-