You're My Focus || Leonardo DiCaprio

Chapter 9: Uncertainty

"It doesn't even make sense why we try to fight it

Every time that we attached the room caught on fire

We could blame it on the wine

But we know that we would both be lying

I wish I didn't want you

I was doing just fine, the way that it was

Then you hand me these emotions, didn't want them

But I guess that I'm stuck with them

They could go away

But I know they won't"

~"Dive Into You" Loving Caliber

I didn't have the heart to tell Jason how I was feeling during his week long visit, even if the pretending was slowly killing me inside. When he left at the airport I don't think he suspected anything, promising his next visit would be sooner. If my jumbled emotions weren't bad enough, I ended up getting my period the day before our shoot of the scene when we're in freezing water. The director threatened that we weren't allowed to leave the water tank for any reason, but I was the exception, since I couldn't leave a tampon in more than 8 hours, or really 4 to 5 with it being my heaviest day. Thankfully the medicine helped, but I still had a twinge of cramps due to the frigid water. It was kept at 60 degrees Fahrenheit but it felt like an icy lake, and to make matters worse I wasn't able to wear a wet suit with my outfit. I slightly shivered as I held onto Leo's hands, his face ghostly and frosted from the special makeup.

"I'll never let go, Jack," I croaked before allowing Leo to float down into the water. I sighed since I was dying, just certain that I needed to use the restroom. I was waiting until the segment was completed, managing to yell through my weakened voice, "May I use the restroom?!"

The director let out a hefty sigh before reluctantly agreeing. He understood the situation, but he was always determined to get as much done in a day as possible. Time was literally money in the movie making business. I shook as I waded through the water before drying off with a towel as I headed towards the public bathrooms. It seemed that my shivering got worse after I entered the air conditioned, spacious room. I chose a stall and struggled to lift my soaked dress, cursing as I leaned forward in pain after sitting on the toilet. I think my iBuprofen had worn off, and to make things worse, I accidentally got a bit of blood on my outfit. I was on the verge of crying as I finished my business, stumbling before one of the sinks, washing my hands before attempting to get rid of the stain. It was awkward as I held it all the way up to the basin, able to wash the liquid out but not the mark. I didn't think it was that noticeable as I allowed the skirt to fall back to my legs. Goosebumps dotted my arms as I shivered violently, scrubbing my hands clean with soap as my vision grew a bit hazy. I was freaking out worse than usual over my OCD of cleanliness, feeling gross and disgusting as I dried my hands with paper toweling. Of course I accidentally threw it away before realizing there was none left, and I still needed to open the door. My hands shook as I panicked, my heart racing since my fear of germs amplified when I was extra stressed. My breathing was shallow as I violently shook, not understanding why I was this level of cold and my heart rate had seemed to slow instead of speed up. It was strange since I was experiencing anxiety. Just then the doorknob turned and Leo showed up, still drenched in his clothes.

"Hey, I thought you might be scared to open the door. James Cameron keeps asking what's taking you so long." His face fell when he noticed my frigid state, my arms snuggly around me as my teeth chattered. "Are you okay?" He stepped forward as I silently shook my head, tensing when he pressed two of his fingers on the pulse below my jaw. "I think you might be experiencing hypothermia."