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jungkook97: i needed you, and you were never there. but don't worry, i learnt my lesson. i'll never need you again, good luck in the future.
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iMessage ! joonie <3
today 9:32 pm
joonie <3 hey! jin and the boys landed a big collab, they're celebrating, and since i haven't heard from you i'm assuming it went okay! will you be okay to get home on your own?
kookie <3 it didn't go well. they don't want me. i don't want me. i'm lost joonie. i want to disappear, i lost myself to the waves for a few hours - but now reality is back and i'm failing apart again please come and hold me, tell me i'm worth something, convince me to stay - make me believe the world wouldn't be able to go on without me. i feel pathetic, i had accepted they didn't want me, but i guess it opened some old scars why do you stay with me? why haven't you left yet? i would've left me if i was you. please don't leave me, i don't think my heart would be able to take it. | message not sent
kookie <3 of course, joonie! have fun, tell the others hi for me :)
joonie <3 i love you :) i'm still only one call away - i'm serious jungkook, i won't get drunk. so call me whenever and i'll be there, okay?
kookie <3 ofc lyt x
REAL LIFE !
jungkook wasn't sure when or how it had happened, but all of a sudden he found himself standing in the middle of a bar, vodka shots in front of him. his mind fuzzy from the amount of alcohol he had already consumed. jungkook sighed, throwing all of his rational thoughts aside, as he grabbed the shots before leaning his head back, letting the burning liquid slide down his throat with no care in the world - he was too far gone tonight, to even care.
he didn't care as he felt himself losing control - he didn't care when he bought another line of shots, and he didn't care as he felt a hand land on his thigh, jungkook just turned his head, and let his eyes connect to hers. he smiled lazily at her as he moved his eyes from hers to the shots and then back to her eyes - signing for her to join him, she did. and then they were two.
"what's your poison? - no one joins a stranger drinking vodka straight if they're okay in the head," jungkook asked her, his filter completely gone. the girl just laughed, throwing her head back. "my boyfriend cheated on me, what's yours?" jungkook smirked at her - he was so fucking gone. his mind completely shut down. "at the moment? just the world in general," jungkook laughed it off - the girl did as well, both of them too drunk to care.
"the world's fucked up, why are we even here?" she then asked, the both of them agreeing on the fact that living - is in fact very overrated. and before jungkook knew they had moved from the bar chairs to a couch in the back of the room. the girl suddenly placed in his lap - what the fuck was he doing? jungkook ignored the voice in his head telling him to stop. it had been so long since the last time he had felt loved - felt wanted, he was still young - and he was single, so why should it matter? he should be able to be with a random girl without feeling guilty. but he couldn't, and no matter how hard jungkook tried to deny it, he knew - he knew why. but still, he ignored the part of him that tried to be good - that tried to save his ass later.
"this doesn't mean anything," jungkook muttered against her lips, she just nodded before their lips collected again - there were no sparks, it was just skin on skin. but that was all jungkook needed tonight. he wanted to have fun with someone, without having it mean something. so that's what he did, he kissed the girl he didn't know the name of like his life depended on it, and he didn't protest as her hands ran over him, and she didn't protest either as his hands started exploring her curves.
and for a second he forgot everything. he forgot the past - the pain, the worries - the everything. he forgot about taehyung, namjoon - he forgot his parents and the things that they had said to him. he forgot his responsibilities, he forgot himself - all of the pressure. the articles, everything. for a second it was as if the outside world didn't exist.
it wasn't until he was standing in the bathroom of a hotel room, trying to collect his pieces - drunk out of his mind, with a naked stranger a few meters away. and a notification on his phone saying 'vtae' had posted that he remembered who he was - and who he wanted to be.
"what have i done?" jungkook mumbled to himself - jungkook fingers started to ache from how hard they were gripping the bathroom sink. jungkook fucking hated himself and what he had done as he met his own eyes in the mirror - who even was the guy staring back at him?
jungkook didn't recognize the dead eyes that were out of focus, the swollen lips with slightly visible lipstick stains - the cheeks that were coated red - the single mark on the lower half of his neck standing out against his milky white skin.
"what have i done?" jungkook said raising his voice a little bit. he wanted to break the mirror, the same way that he had broken himself. but instead, he went with the way that would destroy himself more than destroying the mirror would. "pathetic," he spat as he looked at himself in the mirror before returning to the room - grabbing his things, before walking out of it, he couldn't stay.
jungkook only hated himself as he saw tae's post. he looked happy - he was happy. jungkook couldn't ruin that for taehyung. he refused to. but the thing with jungkook is - he ruins everything that he touches. jungkook shut his phone entirely off - he couldn't look at the instagram post anymore. it was ruining him.
jungkook let out a yell before throwing his phone against the wall, the screen was completely cracked as he picked it up - but jungkook didn't care. he could fix it.
cracked screens had always been easier to fix than cracked hearts.
INSTAGRAM !
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vtae: excited! get ready for some cool stuff! @jiminie
