Hey, My Coffee Lover

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

We went to a park in front of the ice cream shop that we found. It's already dark and we are the only people in the park. The only light we had is from the lampost in front of us. Aside from that, all that we have is ourselves, and our ice cream.

"Thanks sa libre." sabi ko sa kanya.

He looked at me and gave me a thumbs up. Tumawa ako.

I pushed my feet to swing my body. Sa kabilang swing nakaupo sya habang nakatitig sa harapan. I smiled to myself and looked in front too.

"How does it feel?" he asked suddenly.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay bago ko sya nilingon.

"Hmm?" I asked. He looked at me and I saw something glimmered in his eyes. I don't know what is it because he immediately covered it with his smile but swear, I saw something flicker. It's a mixture of confusion and sadness.

Umawang ang labi ko.

"To know what you really like."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi nya. I stopped swinging and I just stare at him. He smiled weakly before looking away from me.

I never thought he has this kind of thinking. I mean, I view him as a happy go lucky guy. He has nothing to worry about. He has nothing to be stressed at. But it turns out that it's true when they say that the happiest person can be the ones having the deadliest pain.

I smiled and looked away.

"Actually it's hard." pag-amin ko.

I saw him looked at me from my peripheral view. Nagsimula ulit akong magduyan sa sarili.

"You know, when you found out what's that something that you really want, you have this fear of not losing it. Because finally, you found out what will make you happy." sabi ko.

Bumuntong hininga ako at yumuko para tingnan ang mga paa ko na naglalaro sa sahig.

"The fear of losing your happiness... it's making me anxious. There are so many what ifs. It will make you feel pressured. Personally, I always think that I can't fail this. I can't dissapoint myself. Because if I did, I don't just lose my passion, but I also lose what's fueling my soul." I said in a low tone.

I still remember when I'm new in writing. I don't take course that's involved writing. Why? Because I'm afraid that I might only fail. I'm afraid that at the end of the day, because of my hunger to grab it, I'll lose it.

I don't tell my friends that I write. Once I did back then, but they never see that as something that should be proud of. They only think that it's a hobby, I have no future on it.

I started making it a secret. Before I am telling it to my friends. But now, I don't have enough confidence. Why? Because after all those times that I brag about my new found passion, I'm still stuck here.

And that's hard. Because when everyone around you started unbeliving in you, you cannot help but to unbelive in yourself too. And it scares me. Because I can't lose something that makes me happy.

"Don't you think it was what supposed to be?" he asked. Napatingin ako sa kanya.

He looked in front of us while I watch him tell me the words that always, always make me feel like I'm understood.