BLUE | ᴛᴀᴇᴊɪɴ ✔

19 | Happiness

Taehyung felt some warm entity caressing him; leaving a light trail on his back. He pushed himself further into the source of warmth, resting his forehead on a hard surface. Something felt different. Taehyung tried to open his eyes. Raising his head, he came in contact with Seokjin. Then he remembered about him being clingy to Seokjin last night, not allowing to let him go.

Taehyung rolled over, facing away from Seokjin. Instantly regretting leaving the warm embrace, he shifted back and he felt Seokjin's arms around his waist pulling Taehyung to him. Taehyung remembered that this was the same thing that he did to Seokjin last night. Seokjin buried his face into Taehyung's hair and after a moment, Taehyung felt something on his neck. He froze. Did Seokjin kiss him? It was strange. The kiss didn't feel like the most guys that kissed him. It was light, he barely felt it. How could such a small kiss feel so nice?

Seokjin pulled his arm off Taehyung and got up, "Are you alright?"

"Yes", Taehyung surprisingly felt peaceful and relaxed. He didn't have a headache.

He had to go to college in a few hours. After a while, he apologized to Seokjin for acting clingy and making him stay.

Seokjin said that there wasn't a need to apologize, it was okay and that he would make something for them to eat.

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They were having breakfast and he kept thinking about the small kiss. How could it make him feel that way?

They got up after finishing with the breakfast but Taehyung's mind was too occupied and he almost tripped on something.

Seokjin gripped his arm to keep him from falling. "Looks like someone's mind is too preoccupied to look where they are going". Taehyung turned to Seokjin and looked into his eyes. They were looking at each other for a while until Taehyung felt Seokjin's fingers trying to feel the small amount of fat on his waist. Seokjin smiled, "You are getting better. I can see that you're really improving. But there's only one thing that's holding you back"

"What?"

"Being dependent on someone for your own happiness. I am not the one who can fix you, only you can. If you think that there's a particular person or a thing that would make you happy, then you will end up being sad. You either choose to be happy or you don't"

"How do I choose to be happy?"

"You just do it. What if you were certain that you had a terminal illness and you had only a little time left to make use of your life and consider who you are, would you waste your time on fear, lethargy, depending on one person or thing, and being sad?"

"No, I won't", Taehyung replied.

"Well, then I'm telling you that you do have a terminal illness. It is- birth. And you do not have more than a few years left. No one has. So be happy now, without reason or you will never be at all."

Taehyung nodded but he still had a question, "Will you not stay with me then?"

"This is hard for me too. But I need to do this. Me being with you right now will make you feel dependent. Come to me when you feel that you have really found happiness. When your happiness is not dependent on a person or a thing. When you really learn to be aware of the moment, when you no longer feel stress. When you learn to enjoy even the ordinary moments. And then, you will understand that maybe you don't even need me. You will find someone you love and love them without the fear of losing them and try to focus on what's present. You will learn to enjoy life without fear of anything.

Till then, you need to work on yourself. And now you must forget me altogether.

And please stop drinking otherwise I won't talk to you, ever"

Taehyung realized that he had grown to depend on Seokjin so much, on his certainty.

When Seokjin was leaving, Taehyung looked one last time into those shining eyes, "I'll do everything that you've asked. Except one. I'll never forget you".

Taehyung felt doubtful for a while but when he tried to recall the things that had changed, he realized that he had been improving. He knew that he had to keep trying and one day it will all work out. He had to do it. Not for others but for himself.

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From that day Taehyung started to work on it more seriously than before. He used all those things that he heard from Seokjin. He also tried to learn from his own experiences as he worked on it.

His life was changing, even though it took some small steps, failures and a lot of time.