beta's alpha (completed)

Alex- yes

It's a moment of truth.

Do you want to marry her? My voice kept asking me questions that I never answered, I knew I couldn't have what I wanted so why make it harder than it needs to be. I wanted to make it special she deserves that, I want t be kind and warm, I care for this person after all, and they're going to be at their most vulnerable, but I don't want her to answer until she is sure. If shes's been taken by surprise and still needs some time, then that's okay, I can wait.

If the answer is an immediate 'yes', then that's all she needs to say with a hug and a kiss. I want it to be perfect , I want her to remember that how she became engaged it will be a story told many times so I have to make it a good one.

Super romantics might say something like:

'I thought you'd never ask.'

'I dreamed but I never dared hope...'

Probably best not to say:

'Yes... on the proviso that...'

'You're getting ideas above your station'

'Only if you sign a prenup'

I was thinking way too much into this, I know but I want to do at least one thing right.

I found Mary by the lake, I think it reminds her most of home, her pack had may lakes, that's how they got most of their food.

"hey hot stuff" she said as I approached, I snorted at her comment before sitting next to here.

I was struggling on how to start, I never thought I could be this nervous when I was going to ask but I now I'm practically shaking.

"there's something I wanted to ask you?" we said in unison making us both laugh.

"you go first" I said siting back and watching her.

"its about Theo, and what happened" she started and fear instantly replaced the nervousness I felt.

"I kn-kn-know he is kind of-" I started to think for the right word.

"crazy?" I smiled and looked at her, how can she know exactually what was in my head before me.

" I mean ya, he gets what she wants all the time because he thinks he's fine. He's a good guy but he can be so- so" why is it so hard to describe him, he's almost like the worst paradox, handsome but still the worst.

"rude?" she added in, she was the prefect person to complete my sentences, she's not like Theo making it all about him she actually listens.

"yes, thanks you, I mean he'll make you take him to a party, but then he leaves with his friends, and he likes to stay late and I'm stuck waiting for him to get home. OH and all his clothes are on the floor, and all my stuff is messed with. He's the worst best friend ever." I don't think I have ever admitted that to anyone before, especially Theo.

"he's very important to you I can see it, you love him don't you?" boy was she right, I did love him. Not in the way she was refereeing to but yes, I love him. More than anything.

"he's my best friend of course I do" I looked away from her, the guilt setting back in. I don't know how me trying to propose lead to us talking about Theo.

"any way what were you going to ask me?" she smiled ending the discussion about Theo.

"I umm- gosh I'm nervous again" I started talking out loud as I reached for Mary's hand holding it between both of mine.

"I know we've only known each other for a short time, but I love hanging out with you and I think that this could really go somewhere" I rubbed her hand hoping it was going to make me feel better

"oh gosh, are you?" she gasped as she realized what I was doing, I was trying to make it special but she was interrupting.

"will you let me finish?" I laughed relaxing instantly with her

"right right, sorry sorry, continue" she smiled at me using her other hand to cover her mouth holding back, I guessing laughter.

"so Mary Ann will yo-"

"yes yes" she jumped up nearly knocking me over and into the lake, she grabbed my arm and started to hug me awkwardly.

What happened to letting me finish" I asked standing up and hugging her back

"I'm sorry, I'm just excited." She said as she readjusted and got comfortable in my arms.

" me too but Let's keep it a surprise till it gets closer" I said hugging her tighter as she snuggled into my chest, I didn't want Theo to find out not so soon, we were just starting to get along and I didn't want to ruin it with another thing.

Over the next month only my parents and Mary Ann knew of the wedding and they all were struggling not to tell anyone, they looked close to exploding. And so was I, but for different reasons. My office was turned into the planning room, notes, papers covered my office and beside that I didn't have any say in the wedding. Not that I cared, I just wanted the option.

"there you are" I was pulled from the door way and pushed into my office chair with my mother and soon to be wife in front of me.

"hello" I said nervous with the two powerful women staring at me.

" it's already" my mother said waving at the papers on my desk

"well except the dress, just ne last fitting and it done" Mary said pointing t some of the papers I stared to look through.

"so, you already have done all the plans" I said smiling even though it was the most fake one I ever gave, it has only been a month it was all a little fast, but on the other side I didn't want mine and Theos bond to get deeper, it would make it harder to pull away.

"yep already for Saturday"

"Saturday?" I was lost did they do everything, even the date.

"we'll we thought why wait, this is what you want right?" my mother backed away letting us talk in private

"yes, Saturday is perfect" I lied, it wasn't that I didn't want to marry her I was just worried about Theo, he was always at the front of my mind n matter how much I want him to be gone.

"I'm so excited" she said doing a little sway of her hips enjoying a little dance. I nodded too not really sure what to say, my mind was a thousand other places.

"So, are we doing a hunt?" she asked making me look away from thr paper on my desk, all cakes and dresses, never ending.

"a hunt?" I asked confused not sure what she was getting at.

"ya for after the wedding" oh crud I forgot about that, it was a sacred tradition between two married wolves, it was go signify them becoming one.

"ya ya didn't think about that, I can go get one tomorrow" I told her hoping the sweat was visible like it felt.

"perfect" she stood up on her toes and kissed my cheek before walking back over to my mother continuing their conversation about the wedding planning. The wedding was getting closer and I was so anxious I wanted to tell Theo he dissevered to hear it from me first.

But every time I thought of going through with it the more it made me realize I am broken. I'm broken that's easy enough to say my heart shattered into pieces. i don't work anymore I'm broken but who says that to the person they promised to marry. I mean I'm sad, yes, I'm torn, yes, torn like an old rug ripped to shreds, broken, yes. But I have a job to too I can't keep using these stupid metaphors. who needs a metaphor to explain emotion when its laid out in front of everyone my eyes are swollen my body is bruised my words are silent my smile is fake. It's all plain and simple laid out like a flashing sign i am broken even though no one sees it. i still have to explain through metaphors because people don't look at the person still smiling, they look for the ones that holding back tears. I'm broken but people don't look to see me they only see me as strong, perfect, and alpha. I still wanted him to know I care about him, his feelings. I want him to see my feelings, to see me.

So that's how I got here outside of Theos door.