Impossible Dreamers

Chapter 41 (mektwi-fay): Double control dreaming

Silmoa had been nasty to Liana all day. It seemed as though she actually enjoyed prodding her with the shocking stick, and as Liana laid down in her bed, she could still feel the pain. But it wasn't just the physical pain that hurt. The idea that somebody who she'd thought of as a friend could do this to her was even more painful. And not so long ago, when they still lived in Seren-ila, Silmoa was the person who always talked about how you had to take account of the Seren Way. Liana had always felt bad, guilty even, that she didn't live up to the way Silmoa thought a person in Seren-ila should be. And even feeling guilty was not a Seren Way, so that made her feel worse. It was as if now Silmoa had just switched from the Seren Way to the Barty way, without thinking about what these things meant. Liana couldn't understand it. Silmoa never talked about her brother, Herago. Didn't she care what was happening to him? Didn't she even wonder?

Liana closed her eyes, but she couldn't sleep. Her thoughts ran away from her, and instead of the calm drowsiness that she needed, questions kept echoing in her mind. When and how did Silmoa become like this? Would she always be like this? Was this the real Silmoa, or was it an act she was putting on? Questions, but no answers.

Liana wanted so much to sleep. She had to sleep. Sleep was the only escape from Bartyronis, and perhaps into Seren-ila. She had to get back to Seren-ila. Seren-ila, where she might be able to meet up with Herago.

She still didn't know whether to believe what the dream was telling her. Or rather, what the dream-Herago had told her. He had described the building he lived in, and then she saw that very building in real life. She turned it over in her mind. Could it just be a coincidence? Or was there some other explanation? But what sort of explanation? Maybe she had seen that building before. Had she seen it when she wore the special helmet? No, she couldn't recall ever seeing it. She hadn't been back to the place that used to be Middle Meadow. Nobody had told her about it, she was sure of that.

Or could she have just thought she had seen the place in her dream? Could her memory of the dream have appeared in her mind after she had seen that building? That was the only explanation that made any real sense. But still, that wasn't what she believed. What she believed was impossible.

Impossible. Impossible. Impossible.

Just like Herago to be doing something that was impossible.

Her mind swung back to Silmoa. The three of them had been friends. How do people change like that? It wouldn't have happened in Seren-ila. Does that mean that people are different, according to where they are? Was Liana also different? She hoped not. She had to stay the same as she was, by holding on to the part of herself that had grown up in Seren-ila. Only dreaming of Seren-ila could keep her from changing to something she didn't want to be.

Seren-ila, Seren-ila, Seren-ila. She said the word over and over again in her mind.

And then, she thought of Seren numbers: Twil, twilfti, twillo, twillorio, twillorinio. Thinking of those comforted her.

At last, images of Seren-ila floated in front of her. She wanted to reach out and touch them, but she couldn't move. She could see Trentaya. Trentaya was climbing, high, high up on Greblara. She looked down over her shoulder at Liana, and then she disappeared. 'Use your wrist-flyers!' Liana wanted to say, but she was no longer there, in front of her.

The flat images in front of her eyes gained depth. At last she could walk into the places she could see. Liana moved forward and looked around. Yes! She was back in Seren-ila. She knew it was a dream of Seren-ila, but still, she was glad to be here. And she was looking for someone. Herago! Where was Herago? She had to go and find him. But where?

Seren-ila had been restored, in this dream, to its former glory, and Liana could wander through it, remembering things she had forgotten. She looked at the dwelling places, with their curved walls and bright colours, and the sight of them raised her spirits. But then she noticed that she was the only person here, and she felt sad.