ᴍɪꜱꜱᴇᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟ | ᴇɴʜʏᴘᴇɴ ᴊᴀʏ ꜰꜰ

Dear Jiwon,

September 5, 2020

Dear Jiwon,
    I missed that one call from you. That one time I didn't answer you is my biggest regret. I'm sorry. This guilt will weigh on me every day. Nothing can make me happy anymore. Remembering your name pop up on my screen which I decided to ignore only because I didn't feel up to it. I'd had a rough day. Now everyone thinks that I am the reason you made such an awfully extreme decision. They think so only because of the fact that you were dating my ex-boyfriend. They may think that, but you knew I was genuinely happy for you. There's a reason he's my ex; because I didn't have feelings for him. You knew that and so did I, but the rest don't. Just how they don't know you were bullied by classmates, harassed by your parents just like me, that your twin brother was kidnapped back when we were in middle school and is still missing to this day which left you very traumatized. I miss you. Even though it's only been a day I already miss you. It feels like you've already been gone for eternity. I miss your long brown locks that glowed every time you were under the blazing bright sun along with your big hazel eyes. I miss your embrace which I would feel as soon as I got to school and the moment we separated every day or when I was having trouble at home. I really regret leaving you in school with Hyunwoo yesterday. 

Even if your last words were for me to not blame myself, I do. What if I had answered your call from the beginning? If I had left home faster than I did? But now all I can do is think of what ifs as if I could do something to get you back. So can you forgive me for not being there for you at your worst? For not answering that one phone call? Because I surely can't.