Tris's Contenders

chapter 33

Tris POV

I focus on the sumptuous fibers of my floor that I slowly stroke with the tip of my index finger. The softness reminds me of the first night we got this new carpet fitted in my room. I had been six and my parents cleared my room out letting the men do their job. Once they laid it down and gave the bill to my dad, I had run up the stairs and dove through my door. I had sprawled out in the middle of my room spreading my fingers and toes as I tried making a carpet angel, flapping my arms and legs. So carefree then, so beautifully dull from the senses of pain and death.

"Tris." He says it quietly even after clearing his throat. His presence hasn't fully dawn on me until the third time he says my name.

"Tobias." I look up from the small valley I created with my finger and carpet. I peek at his large figure through my lashes and see him starting to kneel to my level. My bed got too familiar with my tears that I decided to vacate myself elsewhere. Elsewhere is here by my desk and the corner of my wall.

"May I?" He gestured to the spot in front of me and I nod. He sat down lightly and leaned back on his elbows."Say something. Let me hear your voice."

"What's there to say?" I may sound childish, but it is true. What can I say to him, to anyone. My voice doesn't even sound like my own anymore.

"Tell me how you feel. Hell tell me you hate me. As long as I can hear your voice then I...I don't know." His face contorts with confusion and pain.

"I feel empty."

He leans up and moves my hair from my face. His knuckles brush across my cheek and for the first time in weeks my heart is kick started. "Because of Al?"

"Yes...and no." I place my hand on top of his that froze while placing my hair behind my ear. "I was empty the moment I lost you." He let out a surprised gasp. "When you weren't there Al was and he filled that void. Now he is gone."

He took my hand with his other and placed it at the base of his chin. "Chris told me what happened. She told me that Eric had you drugged....I should have listened to you. I was stupid and I just..."

"You just decided to run back to Lauren." I yanked my hand from his remembering the pain he caused me.

"Tris, please."

"No!" I interrupt him again shooting to my feet. I stand there against my wall realizing my appearance is lacking clothes. All that is covering me is one of Al's red shirts. I had pulled it on when I climbed in bed last night. It still smelled of his sweet musk that sent comforting waves through my lungs. Tobias stands up dwarfing me in seconds. "Why are you here." I close my eyes and look down at my bare toes.

"Your mom asked me to."

That stunned me. "Oh. So you are here JUST because she asked you to be."

His chest rose stealthily, "I am here because I wanted to see if you were okay."

Again my anger sliced through me, "Okay!! You wanted to see if I was OKAY? How can I be okay. I lost someone I care about. It's all my fault."

"How is it your fault Tris? Did he do it because he found out about us?" I am staring into his eyes now and the sheen of tears peer at me.

"He didn't jump."

"Tris.." His hand reaches out to me and I knock it away.

"He didn't jump! He was happy with me." I feel exhaustion creep up my spine and morph itself into my mind. I slide down the wall and scoop my carpet into my fists. "Please go Tobias."

He stands there and I don't dare look up into his cobalt eyes. I don't know if minutes pass or possibly hours, but his feet turn and disappear towards my door. "Did you love him?"