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[ i n c o n t r o l ]
{triggers: sexual activities, dirty talk, talk of self harm, language}

"No, what?" i asked.
"He wants you."
"What are you on about, Garroth? its Travis were talking about." i went to walk away from this, not only awkward, but gross conversation but he said one more thing that stopped me at the foot of the stairs.
"Just do it, Zane. Ill sit down here with earbuds in and text you when mom is home. Why would i say anything about this? i was once a virgin too." He tried joking around with me. But i had something that would really catch him off guard,
"Who said i was a virgin?" i asked with a serious face. A smirk grew on my face as my brother sat there dumbfounded. i started going up the stairs and called down to him one more time. "ill think about your offer but it won't happen." i said in my normal tone. i wasn't disappointed in anyway, it was only sex i didn't depend on it. Plus i never even thought about it because Travis's past. I entered my room at the top of the stairs and noticed Travis making the face he does when arguing with Demon.
"Everything okay? What did Demon have to say?" I ask sitting down on the foot of my bed.
"I-i-i ... its nothing he was just being stupid-" he said hiding under my blankets.
"Its okay Travis i'm used to his type of foul language, what did he want?" I ask again. I wanted to pull the blankets back to make sure he wasn't trying to hide anything from me, but i didn't. Something in me said that he was having a masculine problem, and either way i didn't want to invade his privacy or embarass him. He is a male after all. Demon came forward randomly again and made Travis say, "we want to have sex with you." It caused Travis to quickly cover his mouth. I rolled my eyes. "Demon you can't just force him to do things he doesn't want to.."
"Oh c'mon! It's been forever since we've busted, it'll be less than 10 minutes." Demon said again. It caused Travis to turn a deep shade of red.
"I hate you a lot sometimes—" he said out loud to Demon.
~~~
I was laying there in bed with Zane watching a movie. We were 5 minutes in and Demon would NOT stop filling my head with lude thoughts.
"Travis just do it already~"
No! Were in Zanes bed and he's right here!
"Ask him to do it for you then~!"
OH MY GOD YOU'RE TERRIBLE!
I couldn't believe what i was doing. A few inches away from Zane and i had my dick out of my jeans and boxers.. lightly rubbing my fingers over my hard.
"Wrap your hand around it and squeeze hard. But keep going slow~" I did what Demon said, the lust taking over my brain. It was like he was my puppeteer, and i the puppet, doing whatever he wanted me to. I tried keeping a straight face but couldn't as some pre-cum dripped from my tip onto my stomach. I felt myself turn red and bite my lip. Keep in mind it has been almost a whole year since i've done this.. it was forbidden to touch ourselves at the facility but i haven't done anything since the incident. sometimes i think it would give me sexual healing if i just did it.
"Oh god yes~~ Keep going keep goinggg~! That's it Travis.. think about Zane telling you what to do instead of me~ He wants you to do this for him~"
Does he?
"Yes baby oh god yes~"
Zane looked over at me, knowing im suspicious. I kept my eyes locked on the movie trying to pay attention but failed to focus. I could see Zane in my peripheral vision staring me down, then looked back at the tv.
He knows.. Demon make me stop.
"I can't."
He suddenly turn on his side to face me.
"You aren't very good at hiding that." He smiled at me. Ugh that devilish smile.
Are you sure he doesn't have a demon too?
"No.. he IS the demon."
"Hiding what?"
"Do i need to say it?" He asked his hand creeping closer to my torso. I was turned on but didn't know how to say it so i tried hiding it. I nodded no in response to Zane, turning on my side slightly to avoid his hand.
What do i say-?
"Just tell him you want him to touch you. Give him THE look. The one that begs for physical touch."
I did beg for his touch. I wanted to accept this, i wanted to be healed.. Doing something on my own will. I tried looking at him with the eyes that screamed 'touch me please, do anything you want to me' but i wasn't sure if the message got across the way i intended.
"Do you want something, Snowy?" He asked still speaking through that smile.. That damn smile. I looked down flustered, then nodded, and met his eyes again swiftly.
"Tell me if youre uncomfortable okay?" He said looking up at me with those icy blue eyes of his. I nodded and smiled warmly at him. It happened quick but Zane started reaching his hand for the blanket to slip his hand under it and into my pants. I was shaking with anticipation. He ran his fingers over me first, feeling up and down my shaft. That alone felt amazing.. "Do you like this?" He asked me. I nodded still embarrassed. "Good.." He said softly as he wrapped his hand over me and started pumping slowly. He glanced up at me and i looked down at him biting my lip. I actually made the move to kiss him, and we locked lips. He started planting kisses down my jaw and to my neck.  Zane unexpectedly drew back the blankets. I got embarrassed he wouldn't like the way i looked, but he didn't seem to sit and stare at it too much. He kissed my stomach down to my v-line, then licked my shaft from the bottom to my tip. I squirmed and moaned out a bit, quickly covering my mouth.
"That's okay, baby~" zane said in this new seductive voice i've never heard.
"Wow. This motherfucker gets honry horny."
I-I, what was that voice?
"He likes doing this, Travis. Youre fine, he's fine. Quit overthinking and only think about how good it feels."
I felt my face heat up more. He went down slowly but wrapped his lips around my member and started going down, putting all of me in his mouth. He started bobbing his head. I rolled my eyes back and bit my lip harder to not make a noise.
I dont want to finish yet, Demon tell him to stop-~
"No you tell him because i am enjoying this.~"
"Z-zane please stop-" and he did suddenly.
"Sorry baby i-"
"No its not you.. i-i just don't want to f-finish yet.." i said embarrassed. His cheeks turned pink.
"Ohh.. do u want to.. ya know.." he asked and it was hard to look at him in the eyes but i nodded yes. "D-Demon said you're t-top.."
"Oh okay.. how do you want to..?"
"Oh.. umm.. j-just like this.." I said taking my jeans off all the way. Zane sat up on his knees.
"Are you sure you want to, Trav?"
"Yes please, Zane.. i-i want to do it.."
"Alright." He said leaning down to kiss me a few times. It was passionate. He took his jeans off so now he was in his boxers. I noticed his cheeks go flush.
"A-Are you okay, love.?" I ask Zane, calling him a nickname. He seemed to react kindly to it. He gave me a soft smile and nodded.
"Just embarrassed i guess.. I don't have condoms.. i didn't plan on doing this ever.. is that okay?"
"Yeah that's fine. I just- i'm- were running out of time..i just.. want to make love to you." I said as brave as i could. Saying that made me feel kind of good about myself.
"Alright, baby. Come here." Zane said and i leaned forward. He took my shirt off over my head and then his own, leaving him in his binder and boxers and i fully naked now. I leaned forward, looking up at Zane on his knees to kiss him. I wrapped my arms around him, holding the middle of his back with both hands, grasping for him to be closer. He held the back of my head and wrapped his other hand around my waist, holding me close to him, kissing me like there was no one else in the world but us. I felt his hard against mine, both twitching from the pleasure, but separated from the fabric of his briefs.
I couldn't take it anymore, i wanted him bad. So i pulled back first still holding him, i laid my head against his chest and did something i didn't know was inside of me. I think it was my own actions and not Demons. "Please, Zane.. I'm ready. i want you.."
"Travis, baby, i didn't know you had this in you~ You want me?" He repeated. For being a quote on quote switch he was very dominant. He laid me down carefully and sucked on his fingers before rubbing them against my entrance. As dirty as he was being, he kept asking if i was okay, and it just made me more turned on that he was so willing to pleasure me and make sure i was okay at the same time. He gave me his hand to hold anyway which made me feel more comfortable as well. i could barely keep my eyes open enough to look at him. It felt so good...
I had enough i was ready. I squeezed his hand slightly and he stopped moving his hand immediately. Might i add not pulling out of me to not scare me or hurt me.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, i think.. im ready." I said nervously.
"Okay, Snowy. You're in charge." He said once more in his loving tone. I reached for his boxers and pulled them down slowly, waiting for his member to spring out. I lightly started jerking him off. I didn't know what i was doing 100% but he was a guy so.. maybe.. it was the same. I watched as he melted at my touch. I decided to lick him once and see what it was like. He was the one covering his mouth this time. His voice was so sweet when he moaned. It sent shivers down my spine as i listened to my boyfriends raspy voice suddenly turn into the smoothest, faint, voice making sweet noises. I decided to put all of his tip in my mouth and i watched as his thighs got weak and started to shake. I couldn't go that far, but i tried. He rested his hand on my head, playing with my hair.
"If you don't stop i'm going to finish before i even get to make love to you." He barely got the words out, so i stopped and looked up at him with puppy dog eyes.
"D-Did i do okay?"
"You did fucking amazing.. my sweet boy." I laid back down and covered my face as my member twitched from his praise turning me on more.
"You like praise, huh?" He spoke in his devilish voice again. "Let me know if this hurts, alright? I'll do whatever you want me to." He said back in his caring voice. Lucinda gave Zane a bottle of lube as a joke awhile ago, but it finally had a purpose. Zane covered himself in it first, the wiped more on me to. I felt his tip at my entrance, going in slow. It wasn't forced for once.. i felt in control, i wasn't scared and i liked it a lot... i moaned out again and covered my mouth. I laid my head back on the pillow and rolled my eyes before closing them in pleasure.
"Am i going too fast?" Zane asked, thank god pleasure filling his voice too. I shook my head no. "Good then sit up i want to kiss you." He said helping me sit up. At this point i was on his lap controlling the pace and how much i went down on him. I like this position too, because again i was in control and i could hold and kiss my partner. Zane kissed me, his tongue making its way into my mouth. I panicked asking him to not do that. "Wait- p-please dont use tongue..-" I requested, starting to give me small flashbacks. Zane has been pretty quiet and i only imagine its to try and not trigger me at all.
"Okay, im sorry i wont do that.." he said and just looked at me to see if i was okay. I went in for a kiss to muffle my moans and went faster. "Im getting close baby-~" i said starting to grab Zane's back, digging my nails in his skin. I was getting tired, and he noticed and took over. "Im gonna lay you back down okay?" He asked through a breathy voice and i nodded unable to speak. He held one of my legs up and started going as fast as i was to keep that pleasure from that speed. I felt that knot build up.
"Fuck, fuck, oh Zane~ oh my god-~ im coming im coming..!" I tried to stay quiet but i started panting as he slowed his pace and i finished all over my stomach. Zane, without hesitation or any warning, moaned out he was finishing as well and pulled out to finish in his hand.
"Fuck.. im sorry." He panted out.
"No no.. it's okay.. thank you.." I said still out of breath.
"I love you.." He said. I smiled looking up at him towering over me with one hand on my knee and the other full of his seed.
"I love you too."
"Catch your breath fast because its my turn bitches." Demon said eagerly and horny.
"D-Demon says... it's his turn.." i panted out. Zane nodded and was wheezing almost. "You okay..?" I asked nervous.
"Fuck." He said grabbing at his chest. I propped myself up on my elbows, "Zane are you okay, seriously.."
"Yeah i just cant breathe-" he said then started wiping up the mess we made.
"Hey- just.." i was gonna suggest take it off but he started unhooking it and left it there for a second, then proceeded to take it off and toss it on the ground. I tried to keep eye contact with him but i noticed red marks and white scars ALL over him. He stayed silent, i could only imagine this was hard for him for multiple reasons.

~~~

I fucking hate this. I can't breathe, the binder bruises my ribs and compresses them because i wear this damn thing every day all day. Its very unhealthy, and i cannot do high cardio activities as frequent because of the damage my binder has done. So the only other option is to take it off...I hesitated to take it off, but i did. As Travis was about to suggest i do so, i threw it on the ground. He tried keeping eye contact with me but couldn't because he spotted the scars on my chest.
"Z-Zane.."
"Awhile ago. Just takes awhile for them to scar completely.." I felt ashamed to be alive. I sounded like a male, i looked like one, i dressed like one i acted like one and yet i am stuck because of my biological body parts.
Fuck! He hates my chest. He thinks im ugly. I dont even know what to do with them.
"Baby youre so bruised..." he said and reached go touch the sides of my ribs. I flinched at the pain.
"It's.. it's really okay its what i have to deal with its fine." I said trying to play it off. Demon suddenly came out.
"Listen here. You can get punished for that self harm shit later. Right now you need to fuck me before your dick goes soft." He said sternly. I gave him this face like 'do u want to die?' but my intentions with it were 'are you seriously challenging me right now? Did you just say that to me?' I pushed him on his back, knowing he likes it rough. I leaned over and kissed him with the same passion i did Travis. I started trailing kissing down to his neck and slightly sucking on his collar bone with every kiss.
"You're such a fucking tease- you're gonna get it-~" he threatened smirking then touched his fang with his tongue. I sat up and looked at him with that evil smirk again.
"Says the one getting dicked down right now." I then proceeded to ask if he was ready. When he said yes i went slower at first. I treated him as gently as Travis.
"Go faster-" he panted out. I did as he asked, but it was hard for me to due to my breathing issue i was having.

~~~

I wrapped my tail around Zane's thigh and squeezed it tight out of pleasure. He was getting worn out i could tell but he still gave me his all. I couldnt help starring at his boobies.
Demon quit looking at his chest youll make him uncomfortable!
"Sorry- i just like them a lot. I like boobs as much as balls ight?"
I took my gaze away from his boobs and up at his eyes. "Fucking come here and kiss me again." I demanded and he did so. Biting my lip and passionately smooching on me.
"Do you see this kinky mother fucker. He knows what he does."
Y-yeah i know he does-
"Go faster please~ make me moan~!"
"You already are-" my partner panted out going deep instead of quicker. I rolled my eyes and started jerking off with one hand and gripping the sheets tight with the other. "Fuck, fuck, fuck— ohh im getting close! Are you gonna cum again for me-?" I asked him. He quietly nodded yes. "Just cum on my stomach again."
"Are you sure?" He asked softly
"Yes just do it." I said sternly looking at him, i was gasping for air at the feeling of my climax coming fast. I rolled my eyes and came on my stomach, then heard the smallest moan from zane as he pulled out and came on my stomach as well. I looked up at him while catching my breath. I gave him that sexy look again. "Youre so fucking hot." Is all i said. I earned a toothy grin from him. He stood up and put his boxers back on. I couldnt help stare at his poor chest all bruised and full of marks where the binder just dug into his skin and now cuts. He had his back to me but I saw his ribs expanding out way farther than usually as he took deep breaths. His phone buzzed and it was Garroth telling him Zianna was home. He rushed to get a tissue and clean me up then got dressed as i turned back into Travis. We took the time to calm down and make his room not smell like sweat.
Zane filled the room with, vanilla room spray. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. I sat on the bed looking at him, feeling guilty about what i let myself do..
"Zane.. can i have a hug.?" I asked quietly. He turned to me swiftly and immediately was at my side to hug me tight and play with my hair.
"Thank you so much, Travis. You were so brave today.. and you made me feel good and comfortable without my binder on.. all on your own will. Im so proud of you.." He whispered to me. I felt myself tearing up a bit.
"Thank you too, Zane.. I really liked it.. I feel kind of free. Like, i just opened up a door to a new life. I love you.."
"I love you too."

an: sorry not sorry for this chapter being so long and purely about them getting freaky. ps its not over yet for our zane bottom lovers ;)

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