Zanvis || Colors

32

[ d r e a m ]

I backed us up into my room, never looking away from Garroth who was sitting on the floor dumbfounded. I looked at Travis who was quiet, and honestly almost scared of me. He could only point to my legs, he was too afraid to speak i suppose. 
"I-It's nothing, talk to me, did he do anything to you? please say something, anything.." He didn't answer me.. he couldn't I didn't know what I expected from him he was so shook up he could barely move. I watched him lay on the bed lifeless, his eyes glowed and purple flames came from them. Demon appeared in front of me, strong enough to scold me. 
"What the hell was that? " He yelled at me. I went from big and bad to cowering down under Demon instantly. "Zane.. im sorry. I didn't mean to snap. Show me your stomach right now, young man." He lifted my shirt abruptly. I folded my arms so the shirt wouldn't go over my bare breasts.
"Zane Allister! If i was in tip top shape id beat your ass!" He paused, sighing, "When you pushed Garroth and told him all that shit, we about shit our pants literally. You stood up to your douchebag of a brother in your underwear, dude." Demon explained slightly chuckling trying to lighten the mood. He really was bipolar and the whirlpool of emotions seemed to numb his pain for a moment.
"How is Travis seriously..?" I managed to change the subject and get clothes on.
"Not good, he has to snap back to it sometime soon. He won't even talk to me in my mind. Try surprising him with something nice tomorrow maybe hell perk up. Try weed even I don't fucking care I need my host to be okay so I can live. If he dies I die and I can't bring him back." Demon explained laying back down.
"Should I tell my mom again.?" I ask, right when he would answer my phone buzzed and it was Garroth. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Demon asked annoyed.
"Demon- he said if I tell mom, he'll tell her and the school i self harmed again."
"Why would you care if your mom knows? She already does, Zane you exposed your scars when you wore that tee shirt the other day." He had a point, why would it matter? The most that would happen is id go back to being supervised or go to the therapist right? She would never send me away to a hospital or anything. She didn't have the guts to send me away. "Well it wasn't new scars though. You think if we threaten him back he'll leave us alone?" 
"I don't know maybe." 
In the mix of this dreadful, childish conversation, i thought of an idea that might help Travis come out of this darkness again. 

Me: do you want a taste of ur own meds?
Idiot: wdym by that?
Me: I tell the entire school you raped someone, get you kicked off the fb team? want that?
Idiot: Ill kill you if you do that! y would anyone believe you anyway? theyre gonna trust me over you.
Me: idk, maybe if travis says something, or mom? why would ur own mom lie to the school? so, deal is, you leave us alone and I leave you alone.
Idiot: fuck off. 

"What just happened?" Demon asked laying down.
"Made a deal with the devil himself."
"Well- let me tell you what, technically Satan is like my great grandfather and he was not like Garroth at all. Garroth is what we call a cunt." Even in the worst times Demon was a huge sarcastic goon and that's probably the only reason Travis is happy. "Listen while youre planning im gonna go back inside snowball's brain so we can sleep okay? Please don't leave his side.."
"I won't but it's almost supper, my mom should be home soon what am I suppose to tell her why I can't leave him alone if I can't tell her anything?
"What if we tell her something?" Demon said, we as in Travis and him.
"If you two are comfortable with that, please do so. It wouldn't hurt." I said. "Garroth doesn't believe youd do that anyway. I already told him if he comes near you i'd kill him." 
"Text her, let her know we need to talk to her at some point, but for now were resting." He said, starting to get comfortable. I nodded tucking him in. I watched Demon curl up, slowly transforming back into my anxious, sleeping boy. I made sure I wasn't leaving his side anymore. The thought of getting a job and moving out crossed my mind if it would keep Travis safe than I would do it. I still had a few weeks until the cast is removed. Which brought me back to my idea I had to help Travis. While he was asleep I browsed YouTube for videos of how to play "Idontwanttobeyouanymore" by Billie Eilish, I figured the piano part couldn't be that hard, then I started watching videos and I thought otherwise.
How does Travis do this?! This is impossible! Which it was, especially with this broken hand, I couldn't play yet, well.. wait. There are two parts, I could start practicing with my left hand; but how am I ever going to keep it a surprise from Travis if were supposed to stay together now?
Downstairs I heard the door open, my mom was finally home. Instead of walking away I texted her.
Me: hey mom.. something happened again..
*deletes*
Me: hey, can we talk for a min? I can't leave travis anymore
I hesitated but I sent it.
Mom: Alright, let me put these groceries away and we can talk in your room. 
Me: Garroth cant hear or know about this.. hes the problem right now.
Mom: Oh lord. did he hurt Travis again!
Me: almost, but just forget it for now.. act like you know nothing. just know I cant leave his side. & I think he should be homeschooled here for a bit. Tell the school if you must but leave Garroth out of it for now. Ill figure it all out okay?
Mom: Zane, im not sure about this.. id love to get Travis permission to be homeschooled but it's going to take more time than you think. It won't happen overnight. 
Me: u can trust me. i got it under control. promise. just please work on trying to not mention it to Garroth and figuring out if Travis can be home schooled. anything to get him away from people right now. 

I put my phone down and started watching the voice warm up videos, I hadn't sang since middle school choir, and the one time I did recently was in the car with Gene, Sasha and Zenix screaming metal songs.. I would yell emo songs really loud when I was upset, it was never good but I did it. I hadn't really tried singing since being on T. I watched videos on singing in my headphones until I eventually crashed from exhaustion. 

~~~

i found myself in a strange place, it almost resembled my house but not quite. The walls were pushed back extremely far and it was dark. The sudden screaming made me jump, someone in pain yelling rape, screaming for help. I knew it was Travis so i ran over to his voice, in my brothers room, it was like a loop. Right after he got out of Garroth's arms i saw Laurence come up and try grabbing him, then Dante and back to Garroth. He curled up in a ball on the ground, screaming bloody murder for help, balling his eyes out.
"Son-" I heard a voice, turned and saw Travis's dad. Travis got up and ran to his father's open arms, but he stopped when he heard him choke and foam at the mouth.
"No no no!! Stop dying please stop dying!! Why are you dying im right here!" Travis yelled. I was stuck in some kind of barrier, i couldn't get close to Travis he couldn't hear me either, which is not how it goes usually when im in his dreams.
[cutting trigger]
"Zane..? Zane is that you what are you doing?" I thought Travis could finally see me, but wasn't looking at me still. He actually started walking past me. And because he wasn't strong enough to become aware in his dreams yet, he couldn't look anywhere but forward, on this weird clone of me hunched over on the ground, i was rocking back and forth. I observed as he walked over to me, grabbed my shoulder and saw me self harming. It triggered me even, my arms were covered in deep vertical lines that were bleeding a lot. Travis started shaking and suddenly I was awake.
I opened my eyes quickly, noticing Travis sitting up already and freaking out, whimpering and looking around for me. He grabbed my arms and looked at them. "I-I-.. thought you..." he started then nodded no.
"I fell asleep on you.. so i channeled into your dream; i saw.. Im alright though, nothing happened to me.." I awkwardly and slowly took him into a hug. He whimpered in the nook of my neck, trying not to cry.
"It's okay.. im right here.. Im going to fix it all i promise.."
why even comment on the colors, they were still dark and dull. I felt even more guilt build up in my chest, now Travis was worried about me cutting myself.