What It Is (Harry Styles AU)

Six (What she wonders about)

Six (What she wonders about)

Now I’ve got a fainting heart you leave and it all goes dark – Nina Nesbitt

Life is hard. Every day you face multiple obstacles and challenges that make it seem like what you want is impossible, you have to make choices and unfortunately with that you realize that you also make way too many mistakes. But you still keep going, keep creating goals for yourself and once you reached them you make up new ones. It never stops, you’re never satisfied with what you got.

The worst thing about life is exactly that, feeling like what you have is never enough. There’s always a missing piece, maybe you didn’t get the job you’ve always dreamed off, maybe you and your best friend are drifting apart, maybe you feel like a disappointment to your family, maybe you don’t think you’ll ever find love.

You live life not in the way you truly want to live it, but in a way you think you’re supposed to. Maybe what you really want is to travel the world and help other people. Or maybe all you’ve ever dreamed off was becoming an artist. But the thing is you don’t feel like you can conquer the world and be whatever you want to do. You feel as if you have to follow the standard of the society you live in. So you go through life following stupid, outdated and frankly useless rules and you do what you’re supposed to instead of worrying about finding what truly matters. Your happiness.

Everyday people continue to live their lives as if the whole concept of it isn’t complete bullshit.

That was one of the first things I came to the realization of during my time abroad. I was just going along with the tide, following other people, doing what I thought I was supposed to. I was going to college so that I could get a good job, I was going on a lot of first dates because I was supposed to find a nice guy who I could marry and start a family with, I was being too nice to people who truly didn’t deserve my kindness, because that was what a good girl did…

I had so many obligations and worries and I was only 22. I should’ve had fun in college, I should’ve gone to more parties, not stress out so much over nonsense. I should’ve gone on more trips with my friends, I should’ve gotten drunk with Luke more often, I shouldn’t have forced myself to do things I didn’t really want.

That’s why when I came back home I stopped doing what was expected of me and started trying to find my happiness. I didn’t know what would lead me there, the only thing I knew for sure was that I didn’t have to rely on a guy to find it.

“You’re making that weird face you do when you’re deep in thought,” Luke tells me as he carelessly shoves a big piece of toast down his throat. “What’s on your mind? Is it your boyfriend?”

“I’m making a weird face ‘cause you woke me up at 6:30 to have breakfast on a Saturday.” I say amusement lacing in my voice from watching him eat like an animal and ignoring the stares from the waitress who seems to be quiet annoyed someone came in this early.

“I see you didn’t deny the fact that Harry was your boyfriend. Progress. I like it.” I roll my eyes but blush a little nonetheless. “And you know I couldn’t just leave for the weekend without saying goodbye to you.”

Luke and his girlfriend are spending the weekend at her parents’ house which is three hours away, hence why they’re leaving so early. It’s the first time he’s meeting them, but he’s not nervous about it. Luke’s good with people, everyone loves him and there’s no doubt Rose’s parents love him too.

Luke and I haven’t really gone more than a day without speaking to each other since we’ve met so two whole days is going to be hard.

“You saw me last night, couldn’t have you said your goodbyes then?”