mental state

9. a promise

We got to my place and went straight to bed. We slept with our arms wrapped around eachother. It was nice and warm. It was safe.
When i woke up he was gone. There was a letter on my desk saying that he went home bc of some issues. That I dont have to worrie and that he'll contact me.
I wasnt really suprised by that, given the fact that we would go days without seeing eachother.

I was very hungry so I got up and went to get some food.
"Hey Allyso, come here for a sec."
My mom sayd while watching TV. It was her day off from work.
"Hey, whats up?"
I went over to her and stood there. She looked serious. Did something happen.
"I know youre sneeking around with that boy."
She sayd very calmly and confidently.
"Mom its not like-"
"Its okay, aslong as youre careful. Youve been hurt before. I just wanna say that dont hide this from me and end anything that might hurt you ok?"
She sayd calmly while standing up.
I nodded and she hugged me.
"You want something to eat? I can make you some eggs and bacon." She walked towards the kitchen.
"Yess please!" I followed. Im happy that mom is fine with this. I was scared that she would be mad and yell at me but I guess I was wrong.

She made me food and we sat and ate.
"You wanna go shopping?" She asked all of a sudden. We never usually do anything togethor. I avoid hanging out with her bc we argue a lot abt stupid things. But who would say no to a shopping spree.
"Yeah sure! I need new jeans, so I'm down."
We finished eating and headed out.

We had a blast. We walked around the city. Tried on a bunch of pretty clothes and mom bought me everything I needed. We had lunch at a cute little cafe and walked In a park and just talked about random things. Not once did we argue, it was strange but it was nice.

When we got home I put my new clothes away and looked at my homework. I needed to study for my test. Mom wanted to go for a run so I was home alone.

Suddenly my phone rang. It was Tay. Seeing him call me made me happy. This day is just too good to be true.
"Hey!" I picked up the phone and answerd happily.
All i heard from the other side was Tays crying.
"Tay! Whats wrong?" Instantly I was so worried.
"Please, please come here...." he sayd with a very worn out and tired voice.
"Alright, hang on, I'm on my way."
I hung up and put on a pair of sneakers and started running to his house.
All the way there I was playing out all kinds of senarios. Did someone brake in? Did his parents beat him again? Is he hurt??

When I got there no one was home except for him. He was sitting on his bed just balling his eyes out. I grabbed him and we just hugged for a minute or two. He was holding me tight like he was scared I'll dissapear.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying like this?"
I asked while still hugging him.
He mumbled something but I didnt understand. I got out of the hug and was sitting on his lap. His eyes were so red from crying and he looked exhausted.
"Tay?"
He looked up at me and sayd:" Please dont leave me.... no matter what!"
He sounded like a child scared to lose his pet. He looked at me with those teary eyes. And started telling me how he's so bad and unworthy of love. How I'll leave him bc hes worthless.

As i sat on his lap listening to him talk abt how he's scared I'm gonna leave him and how he wishes he could be a better persone i grab the knife from his nighstand and make a cut in my palm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
"I dont giva a fuck how broken you are or how deep your wounds are. I love everything abt you so stop acting like a little bitch abt it, cus I'm staying til the day I myself decide to die."
I grab his hand with my bleeding one and hold it tight.
"Holy fuck..." he sayd  while looking at me with those dim eyes.
He got close and kissed me while I started playing with his hair.
I smiled while he kissed me while our hands were still holding tight. So tight even that the blood couldn't leave from my wound.  Suddenly he stopped and looked at the hand he was holding. "You fucking moron. Do you know how to tie that up?"
I pulled my hand away from his grip. "Sure, with your help tho."

And with that I had basically promised him something that I shouldnt have.....