Chasing Happiness (Criminal Minds: Spencer Reid Fanfic)

Part 37

The flight home was spent with the team catching up on some sleep. Spencer sat beside me for the entire flight, our fingers would occasionally touch and interlock whenever we were sure that the team were asleep. A smile was painted across both of our faces for the enire flight as we were happy being close to one another. Being here, surrounded my friends beside the man I loved; it made me feel safe and warm and loved... Feelings that I haven't felt in a while.

But my happiness was short lived. The plane soon landed back home, I had to go back to Alan's anger alone. I get this same feeling of dread whenever we got back from a case. I want to get on a flight, one that will take me far away from this place, away from Alan. But I knew that  I couldn't do that, I couldn't put him off, it would only anger him more and put my team in danger.

I pull into my driveway. I have to take a deep breath in order to compose my thoughts before I went into the house. I slowly close the door behind me "Is that you?" His voice makes me want to run back out of the house and never look back. It would be easy to just run to Spencer and then leave this place. We would both be safe, but not for long, and our friends and family would pay the price for our selfish dream. Neither of us could allow that to happen.

"Yeah, it's me." I shout back, my voice shaky. You shouldn't feel scared in your own home.

Alan walks out from the living room, his eyes studying my body to look for any inconsistencies that he didn't permit. I look at his eyes scoping my body, would he be able to tell what I did with Spencer? Was I being too obvious trying to hide it? I suddenly knew what our suspects felt like when we question them about their misdemeanors. "What happened your neck?" I almost hear a note of concern in Alan's voice as he walks towards me.

He takes my chin in his hand and pushes my head to the side so he could inspect the bruise around my neck from Liam's attack. "We cornered a suspect and he fought back. He tried to strangle me with a rope."

I can see his eyes looking over every inch of the bruise to see if he could find any clues to catch me on a lie. He lets my face go and walks towards the kitchen leaving me in the hall to take my coat off. "Did you catch the guy?"

"Sort of, he came at me with a rock so I had to shoot him"

"You shot him?"

"Yeah I had to."

"So when's your next case?" Alan stands in the doorway of the kitchen. The light shining from the kitchen silhouetting his body against the dully lit hall. Somehow the lighting made it feel like a scene from a horror movie.

"I... Err I'm not too sure. In a few days I think." I feel my heart bang against my chest as it races, fear is a strange feeling. I wasn't even this scared when Liam was coming at me with that rock. Then again I had a gun in my hand and back up close by, now I'm on show, fragile... I was alone, there was no back up coming.

"Did you miss me?"

Alan begins to slowly walk towards me. His dark eyes shine in the dull light. I can feel tears begin to sting my eyes as fear freezes me to the spot and my breathing grows rapid. "Of course." It hurts to talk as I fight back the flood of fear that was rapidly gripping my body and mind as he walks closer towards me.

"Now why don't I believe you?" His voice is low, I can almost hear the anger coming from his lips.

"I did miss you, of course I did." I place a hand on his chest and look into his eyes in a hope that I could fake enough emotion to make him believe me.

"I don't believe you!" Alan shouts in my ear as he grabs a handful of my hair and pulls my head back "I missed you so much while you were off playing cops with that gang of yours." His words spit out of his mouth, his breath hits my skin making me feel as if there were a thousand cockroaches under my skin.

"I did miss you, I swear."

I can't stop tears from falling from my eyes as Alan pulls harder on my hair. He moves his face closer to my neck so that his lips are touching my skin. "Make me believe it."

Alan moves his free hand down my stomach until he reaches the buttons of my trousers. "Alan please, not tonight." I cry as he unbuttons my trousers.

"I thought you missed me?" His hand flies up so that it is wrapped around my neck.

"I did." I manage to get the words out under Alan's hand.

"Then why don't you want to have sex with me?"

"I was almost killed today, I just want a quiet night."

My begs only enrage Alan, he throws me to the floor and towers over me. The light from the kitchen hits his face so that I can see every inch of his anger. "I've had a hard day at work too you know. All I want is to get my frustrations out with my girlfriend." Alan straddles me on the floor. His hand pushing my face into the tiled floor as he leans over and licks my cheek. "Now be a good little bitch and do as you're told."

I shut my eyes tight, unable to hold back the tears as I try to block out all sensations that Alan's torture is causing. I try to think about happy times, but it gets more and more difficult as Alan forces himself into me causing me to cry out in pain, pain that should turn to pleasure but that fun never comes, there's just pain as he thrusts. He slaps me and whispers something about keeping quiet or he'll do worse. I keep my eyes shut, not wanting to see him at work. All I can do is pray for it to end soon and hope that I can put a bullet between his eyes someday soon.