BBJ ✊🏾🖤 Imagines

Totally Random 🤍

A/N: this one is kinda of random. just a idea that popped in my head inspired by my favorite billie ellish song. i can be almost sure that us people who deals with depression has been here before. you are NOT alone. it's always someone there who will listen to you.

WARNINGGG!!!! depression and self harm will be in this story.

i sat in room in the complete dark all day. no shower, no dinner, or any food of that matter, no phone, no television..absolutely nothing. it's was 3:48 am and it was just me and my thoughts all alone. i had been there for a whole week. not like anyone cared or notice everyone was busy with their lives. every since mom and dad got a divorce my voice was silenced... dad doesn't return any of my phone calls it's funny how one day you can be the ray of sunshine in someone's life then the next day poof you're forgotten about. my mom moved on quickly than i expected.. she literally had a date everyday of the week and left me to eat ramen noodles and sandwiches. they promised when after the divorce was finalize nothing would change i would still have the love and support from both parents but it's been three months and i'm starting to feel like the promise was broken. my brother Keior was a junior in college so he's never around. he's literally been my best friend since i was born but i hate to bother him and be a burden... it's seems like that's all i am. let's not begin to talk about school. i have absolutely no friends and every since my mom and date announced their huge separation my grades started slipping. my dad was pretty upset with me, he sent me to my room and told me that he didn't know what had gotten into me and that i had better pull it together... wait... is that why he's not answering me??! is he still mad about the grades? gosh i promise to study more i'll do better! .... .... ..... who am i kidding.. i'm a failure i'm not smart like keior.. mom boots and brag about him ALL THE TIME she talks about how proud she is and how blessed she is to be his mom but when speaking about me all the enthusiasm leaves her voice and she says "she's not keior, she doesn't do anything, she's not athletic, she's not in any club, she does absolutely nothing" it's always been that way ALWAYS, her and dad argued about it a lot... he said some of the smartest people on earth didn't attend in any extracurricular activities in middle school. hopefully i'll find my path in high school. they argued a lot about me... is that the reason they got a divorced? GOSH! i'm just a burden i can't do anything right or make anyone happy. i'm not smart like other girls. i'm not pretty. i'm NOTHING!

for the next two hours i sat and thought how much of a failure i really was. it was pure torture. i couldn't escape my thoughts i wanted to scream but i didn't want to wake up my mom. the thoughts that raced through my mind were about to drive me crazy and there was only one way i could end it all! the pain, the thoughts, the loneliness... everything!

i went to the bathroom. it was located in the hallway in between my bedroom and my brothers bedroom. my mom room was at the end of the hallway. we all shared a bathroom because our other bathroom was downstairs and it only contained a sink and toilet.

i made my way into the bathroom, locked the door and started running water into our marbled bathtub.. i got the temperature of the water just right before making my way to the sink. while i was waiting for the tub to fill up i looked into the medicine cabinet to find some type of pill to end it all. i rambled around and my search had came to a end when i found my mom's sleeping pills. i shook four into the palm of my hand and took them. i stood there and thought about how quick was the pills gonna work. do i have time to write a letter? will they kick in before mom wake up? was this the right choice? ... of course it was...

the tub was half way filled, leaving my clothes on i decided to hop in and lay back. in a matter of seconds i felt sooo relaxed with absolutely no care in the world. i was so relaxed i didn't even notice my body slipping down to the bottom of the tub.... everything got drowsy.. and before i knew it .... .... .....