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epilogue (2)

[GUN's POV]

Pills.

Sleeping Pills.

Those pills had been my candies for months since the day I left him, but now I want to stop from taking those. I want to end everything, end this nonsense life of mine.

The moonlight was the only light source of my room. The room was silent except for the tranquil whispers of the beach. Everyone was quiet, well there's no one in this room except me. I lied down, rested my drained body. I looked at the moon for the last time, smiled at him.

Pain.

Loneliness.

Regret.

I closed my eyes wishing I will never wake up again.

Then, everything went black. I am relieved. Finally, it's time to go home. But, after a while I heard a hypnotizing sound of the beach so I followed it without thinking. Then, the thunder rumbled. The lightning struck the tree sitting near the shore. My heart is beating so fast, my hands are cold and shaking. Then I remembered the tree that's now burning into ashes. It is our tree. It is our usual spot. Memories flashed in my mind. Warm liquid are now falling down my eyes, my hands cupped my face as the memories invading  my mind. Then, I heard his voice saying "So how can I help you".

Then, a blinding light appeared. I am in the middle of a crowded place. Everyone is wearing their annoying smile as they all look at me. They are dramatically swaying their body, contrary to the full blast party music that's playing. Then, somebody tapped my shoulder and said, "Allow me to be your friend." I tried to grab his hand but he's too fast to disappear then everything went black again.

I opened my eyes, the daylight greeted me. The sun is now up high claiming his throne, the birds are chirping, the trees are dancing along the wind. Then, I heard a earsplitting horn coming from a truck then suddenly everything went black. Deafening silence followed,  I am now in dark room. Warm tears came out my eyes like a running water. My body started to shook, my hands are trembling I tried to control them but I failed. I tried to control my tears, my sobs, my feelings but again I failed. Next thing I knew, I am weeping, crying like a lost sheep. I tried to stand up but my feet are to tired to do so. I am trapped, unable to move. My weary sobs filled the room, echoing and bouncing through this four-cornered room. Then, I saw a shadow of him.

Light.

The room then filled with bright light. Heavy feeling was replaced to tranquility. Am now at home? Then, I heard a deep manly voice.

"Gun, this is not your home yet. I am giving you another chance to go back to your home."

"I can't understand", I confusedly said to him.

"Go back to your home, but do it for yourself. Don't do it for him. For love should be given to thyself before giving to others." he calmly explained.

"Gun, open your eyes if you still wants to go back to your home."

Then, he vanished like a smoke. Everything went back to black again. I heard a loud bang from I do not know. There's a lot of voices around me. Murmuring alienated words of which I cannot fathom. Then, I smelled a familiar scent.

Nostalgic.

I heard his voice again, "Gun, open your eyes if you still wants to go back to your home", and so I did.

I slowly opened up my eyes, then I saw his swollen, tired eyes.

After a long arduous journey, I still found my way home.

"You found me again, Papii."

"Thank you."

~~~~~

Five years later...

"Dadaaaa"

Here we go again.

"Papii, will you look for Nirin. I am still cooking. They will be here in 15 minutes." I irritatedly shouted at Papii whose at the second floor of our house. He came down running while he's tucking his polo to his pants. Then smiled at me. My heart softened when he smiled at me. Those smile paved away my irritability. I cannot resist this man. I went back at cooking then after five minutes I placed with a satisfied smile my specialty dish— adobo— together with the other festive foods. Then, I went upstairs to get ready as well. After some time, the doorbell rung. Excitement slithers in my body.

They are here.

"Mama Lolaaa", Nirin ecstatically exclaimed while running towards them.

"Hi my beautiful apo, how are you?" the not-so-old lady calmly asked her. Then, the man beside him ruffled her hair and said, "Where is Papa Lolo's kiss, apo?". Nirin just giggled and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Nirin then ran inside the house to fix her loosen ribbon. Then the not-so-old lady, smiled at me and said, "Thank you for inviting us, Anak." I smiled back.

A car beeped interrupting our drama, then Papii's mom came out the car. She carefully walked fast, and kissed her in laws on cheeks. She then faced Papii whose now laughing from what she did, and said , "Anak, thank you."  And Papii just smiled.

Love needs forgiveness. Love requires patience. It's never been easy to fall in love, and fighting for that love. Although, love made me suffer, cry as hell, love too made me stronger and better each day. Love is worth fighting for. Love is the reason why am  I still here.  Love stays during our downfalls and will rejoice with us to celebrate triumphs. Love creates home.

and for me...

Love is Mom, Dad, and Off's parents.

Love is Nirin, my adopted daughter.

Love is Off, my one and only Papii.

Love...

is myself.