The Big Secret

Argument

His voice got louder but I couldnt get my thoughts together "why is Farrell messaging you?" He slammed down the phone. He repeatedly asked "I don't know" my voice barely audible. "You did sleep with him didnt you?" My eyes widened "no! I made a move on him and pushed me away. Hes just told me hes sorry for leading me on" I screamed. I cant keep lying to him.

"You dont get it! He doesnt push any girl off! His type is anything that breathes. Erin, you are beautiful! Any guy will take the chance" I think there was a compliment hidden in that. "Nothing happened Conor how many times do I have to tell you?" My voice broke but I stood my ground. "Owen will just use you like he does every other girl. Toss you to the side, tell you you're the only one and then apologise" that's exactly what happened. How does he know? So I'm not the only one? But he promised?

I ran out the kitchen, snatching my phone away from Conor. "Erin" he called after me. I heard a slam and footsteps following me. "Erin!" His voice got louder. "Erin stop" I slammed my bedroom door but his foot stopped it.

"Erin talk to me" he pleaded "Conor leave me alone!" I slid down the door, sitting behind it. "Just talk to me Erin please?" "Erin" he tried to push the door, moving me slightly. "Erin open the door" I moved my body slightly giving him enough room to slide through.

He sat down in front of me "tell me the truth" I couldnt help but sob "nothing to tell! You cant keep trying to protect me!" I screamed. "I know" he put his head down. "Nothing happened with Owen! Nothing ever will!" I screamed, if I say enough maybe I'll believe my own lies.

Would I go back there? If he wasnt married any day of the week! If I relocated to England none of this would have happened, I would completely ruin my rugby career but I can go back to being a nobody and get on with life without the baggage. "Fine! I'm sorry!" He seemed frustrated "just make sure you stay clear of him"

"Stop acting like my dad! I can go with anyone I like. I dont have to have your gold seal of approval" I got up and stormed towards my bed "you need to back off Conor! Weve only been living together for like 2 weeks and you're acting like you own me" I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I know! I'm sorry, I've only just got you back. You keep leaving! I'm trying to keep you happy so you dont leave again" he screamed, I havent seen him this angry in years "I know" I admitted in defeat. He turned to face me and I could see the tears falling from his eyes.

"Fine, I'll leave you to run your own life. But I'm not picking up the pieces all the time. Whose there when you need?" He paused "it's always me, never your mum, dad or anyone else. I've been there from day one holding your hand keeping you out of trouble and I'm not about to change that" he started waving his hands about.

"Theres a lot of difference between being there and ruling my life" his face dropped. "I'm a big girl Conor! I make my own mistakes! You weren't there for my last boyfriend, so what's changed now?" He tried to talk but I cut him off "you weren't there when I needed you, when he cheated on me, you wasnt there when I needed you" I tried to hold back the tears but it wasnt working.

"Erin, I love you! I want to protect you. For goodness sake I've loved you since we were children. I have been there as much as I can but you constantly push me away whenever we get close again!" He shouted at the top of his voice.

"Just stop, get out" I pointed to the door "Erin" he pleaded stepping towards me "Conor leave now!" He slowly walked to the door with his head down. "I'll give you space" he whispered.

I heard the door shut and buried my head in the pillow. I cant do this anymore, its only been two weeks and I'm already ready to leave. I get hes trying to protect me but he cant. I dont need protecting, I just want him to go back to being the best friend that was there and not overbearing.

Am I being too harsh on him? I pulled out my phone and hovered over Owen's messages. The words "I'm sorry" kept running through my head. It's exactly what Conor described, but Owen promised I was the only one.

"Hey Erin" Robbie answered my phone call nearly instantly "Hey Rob, how are you?" We had a good catch up "I'm in munster today for the game tomorrow" I completely forgot about the game tomorrow. "Fancy coffee?" I thought he would never ask.

Robbie was a fellow friend, when we moved to Leinster a few years ago. We rarely spoke these days, but he was always there. He and Conor played together for Ireland, another reason why Robbie was close with me.

Not long until I meet Robbie, I put some make up on hiding my puffy red eyes. "Where you going?" Conor caught me before I could get out the door. "Just seeing Robbie" we darednt make eye contact.

"Running from your problems again" I could see the can of Guinness in his hand "you shouldnt be drinking before the game" our voices barely audible. "Dont act like you care, just run like always" those words cut like a knife. It's not my fault I always relocate?

"Dont worry I'll be gone by time you get back from your game tomorrow"