The Big Secret

MY House

"Morning!" A dark shadow covered my body. "Hi" I opened my eyes to see Luke standing next to my bed. I couldn't work out if it was creepy or not. "Smells like your mum is cooking something!" I sniffed the air like a dog "yeah pancakes" I smiled and sat up.

Luke placed himself next to me. "Did you sleep ok?" I just nodded, I couldn't tell him not really. "Don't lie to me, you look exhausted and I heard you tossing and turning" he raised his eyebrows at me.

"What are you doing here?" Conor burst through the door. "Nice to see you sober Murray" Luke laughed. "Another one in your bed?" Conor's stare was burning holes in my body. "No actually, he helped you get home after you made a fool of yourself and mum offered him to stay" I was way too tired to argue with him. "Hm" was all he replied, grabbed some clothes then walked back out.

"Good morning to you too Conor" I shouted after him. "Just ignore him" I nodded. "Erin, Luke" my mother called up the stairs. "Coming" we replied in unison.

"Did you sleep ok?" I nodded. "Thank you Mrs Conroy for letting me stay and for breakfast" he is so polite. Where as Conor just stared at us both through the corner of his eye. After breakfast Luke left, taking the happy mood with him.

Today is the day where I have to go back to Ireland, but I didn't want too. The thought of being back in a house with Conor, sent my head spinning. I found myself sat on my bed staring at the spot where Luke was sat. How can one guy make such an impact on my life so quick?

"Don't bother coming home" Conor interrupted my thoughts. The look on his face he wasn't joking. "What?" My jaw hit the floor. "I said" he paused. "Don't bother coming back to MY house" His voice got sterner. "Why?" "Because I can not be around you and that thing" he pointed to my stomach.

"Are you actually serious? You're not going to support me on this?" He held in his laugh. "Live with the one girl I've loved and a child that's not mine? Please tell me you're joking. It's not like you have an excuse to stay in Ireland, your rugby career is over" he packed his things up and wouldn't even look at me. I have never seen Conor be this bitter. It really has brought the worst out in him.

"Conor if you loved me that much, like you claim you do. You would support me no matter what my life decisions were. Even if I didn't want to be with you. You're still my best friend" he didn't reply but just walked out the room.

Soon my mother walked in. "You ready to go home?" "I am home" my voice cracked. "What's wrong?" She sat on Conor's bed. "Nothing, just going to stay here a little longer" her arms wrapped round me.

"We'll drop Conor to the airport then we can grab some lunch" I nodded fighting the tears with every ounce of emotional strength I had left. I finished getting ready hiding the bags forming under my eyes and my pale skin that's getting paler and spottier by the minute.

"Erin, come on" my father shouted, he was so impatient. I quickly locked myself in the bathroom. Which followed with footsteps coming up the stairs. "Erin time to take Conor" my mum's voice instantly soothed my anxiety. "I feel nauseous, can you grab me after taking Conor? Just you know morning sickness" I faked a laugh which she laughed back at "yeah I'll send Conor up"

Like he is going to come up and say bye. He doesn't care. My head was a mess. "Erin at least open the door" he still sounds angry. As soon as I opened the door he stepped in and closed it behind him. "I'm just coming up here to make it look like we said bye" he rolled his eyes. "Conor it doesn't have to be like this" "there is no other way to be. You got yourself in this, get yourself out" I stayed silent but that didn't stop him.

"Erin. Tell me who" he gritted his teeth. "This baby doesn't have a father" was all I could say. He rolled his eyes. "I'll post all your stuff over when I'm back" he turned to leave. "Conor please" I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Conor look at me" everytime he tried to take my arms off him I gripped harder.

"Erin" his voice sounded defeated. My head was resting on his back. He let out a big sigh and turned to face me. "Erin, look at me" he lifted my head up. "I will always love you unconditionally. But this isn't easy. I don't know if we will ever be the same" I slowly nodded.

As soon as I made eye contact with him all the feelings I had for him flooded my body. I've spent years suppressing them and now they all come back at once. Why do I always realise too late?

I could feel his breathe on my face and suddenly everything that happened in the last 24 hours was history. "I'm sorry I can't do this" Conor broke the silence then just walked out. Leaving me feeling empty once again.

"I've booked time off next week so I'll fly over with her" my mum reassured Conor. "Don't bother, she's not coming back" he spat. The walls in our house were quite thin so you could hear everything. My parents began to question him and tell him to stop acting like a child. I could imagine him rolling his eyes. "Stop it. You're going to be a father. Grow up and start taking responsibility" I have never heard my father take that tone with Conor. He was always golden boy.

"The baby is not mine"