Chasing Air // Billie Eilish

Chapter 35

ELLIOT'S P.O.V

"Holy shit," Zoe yelled, jumping towards me as she watched some scary movie on the TV, in honor of this boring Halloween. I think I'd rather be snuggled up on the couch with Billie watching scary movies. I was tired and not interested in the movie at all, but I'd have felt bad if I hadn't agreed to come over and watch a movie with her. I just assumed she was also lonely with Billie gone. "Are you okay, Elliot?"

"Uh-huh."

"You look tired."

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

"You can stay over if you want," she offered.

"Oh, no. I think I'm okay."

"I really don't mind, Elliot."

She was simply lonely with Billie gone just as I was. But as I laid awake, tired as hell but unable to sleep in this unfamiliar bed, in this unfamiliar house, with this unfamiliar scent lingering, and this unfamiliar person, I couldn't help but wonder: is that really all that it is? Was she really just lonely because Billie was gone, or was she a different kind of lonely? It started to seem a lot less about Billie and a lot more about me and I didn't like it. And then I was suddenly awfully aware of how close she was and then I felt guilty. What if Zoe liked me? Like, what if she like liked me? It seemed a stupid thought that could only be produced by my tired, late-night overthinking—until the next morning, that is.

-

My eyes slowly opened to take in the overwhelming brightness I was no longer used to with my dark, early mornings and late nights. The light outside sent me into a short-lived panic as I realized I was late for work, thereafter followed by my usual feeling of stupidity as I realized I was off that day. I sat up and sighed. I was pressed up against the wall while Zoe laid right in the middle of the bed, a leg swung over both of mine. All of my late-night overthinking rushed back as I contemplated. Now I was questioning everything. Was Zoe that close because she liked me or because she was simply used to having her bed to herself?

I, for one, did not care whether she liked me or not. She was not a threat to my relationship in my eyes. I had a girlfriend and I didn't want a new one. All it meant to me was that I needed to try to spend less time with her. For Billie though, it would mean something worse, I'm sure, if she did like me and did try anything. I didn't know about Billie, but I was a tattletale so anytime anybody hit on me or tried anything with me I snitched. Billie and I were different in that sense. I was very blunt a lot of the time, until it came to my feelings towards or to do with her. Then, I got all shy and shit. But I told Billie about everything that went on with me even if I didn't think she'd like it. I loved watching her get mad when people tried to hit on me and stuff though, it was very cute.

Zoe would be a different situation though. Zoe is her best friend and the only thing that would stop me from telling on Zoe if she did happen to like me would be the overwhelming guilt I'd feel if that were to mess up such a perfect friendship.

I carefully climbed out of the bed and looked around, trying to remember where I last put my phone. I needed coffee. Obviously these preposterous, invasive thoughts were coming from my lack of caffeine.

"Good morning," Zoe said with a laugh.

"Morning." I smiled.

"Your phone is in the living room if that's what you're looking for."

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

"Billie said your birthday is coming up. November 21, right?"

"Yep."

"Are you doing anything?" she asked, sitting up.

"Probably not. I kinda just wanna see Billie."

"You guys are getting pretty serious, huh?" she asked as she followed me into the living room where I grabbed my phone.

I bit back a smile, nodding. "Yeah. We are." She sucked her teeth, shaking her head. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." She shrugged.

"Why'd you give me that look?" I asked frustratedly.

"What look?" She raised her eyebrows, her face contorting with faux confusion.

"I got shit to do, stop acting stupid! What's your deal?" I ran my hand through my hair and tugged on it, growing angry as she just stared at me.

"I just... I wanted to warn you early. And it won't be your fault but Billie's gonna get bored—"

"Yeah, no." I shook my head with a laugh. "I'm leaving." She grabbed my arm and I tensed up, turning to face her. "I don't wanna hear your bullshit."

"No, just listen. I know you don't want to hear it but it always happens. She's gonna get bored. She's not good at long-term relationships like me. That's why she's never in relationships. I know it's hard for you to hear but I think you should just get out before you get too attached, you know. And I'll be here for you—"

"Um..." I furrowed my eyebrows and pulled on my hoodie sleeves uncomfortably. "I'm gonna go. I won't tell Billie about this but I want you to leave me alone, Zoe." I opened the front door.

"No, wait. I'm sorry, Elliot." She quickly shut the door and stood in front of it with a huff. "I just..."

"What? What do you want? What's your deal, dude? I'm not gonna tell Billie. Just let me—"

"I know you're not gonna tell Billie," she said confidently, regaining her composure. "Because that would hurt her and you don't want to hurt her."

"Exactly."

"I don't want to hurt her either. I can keep secrets."

"I'm glad we can agree on something. Excuse me." I grabbed the doorknob and she blocked me again.

"I like you, Elliot."

"God bless," I mumbled. "Zoe, I can't do this right now. I haven't even had coffee—"

"I'm being serious."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and you're gonna let me—" She cut me off, cupping my face in her hands and pulling me down, kissing me. I pushed her off and wiped my mouth surprisedly.

She looked at me disappointedly. "You can't sit here and act like you don't at least feel something towards me, Elliot."

"What I feel is a strong urge to get away from you. I'm not telling Billie but you have to stop, Zoe. I really like Billie and that's not gonna change."

"Well, Elliot, I like you and when you start ignoring me I want you to think about who Billie will believe if you try to tell on me." She smiled, pressing a kiss to my cheek as she opened the door. "Okay, baby?" she said in mockery of the pet name Billie always uses, raising her eyebrows.

I glared at her for a second before responding with a simple, "Okay."