Chasing Air // Billie Eilish

Chapter 42

BILLIE'S P.O.V

"You're sure about this, Claudia? Maybe I shouldn't." I sighed as I stared at myself in the mirror. I was supposed to be doing a photo shoot and interview with Vogue, but with everything going on with Elliot, I wasn't in the right mindset.

"You look like a fucking goddess, Bil. You're gonna be fine. This is what you want. Don't let everything going on right now stop you from doing this, okay?" Claudia grabbed the trench coat and held it out for me to slip my arms in. "It's gonna be fine."

I straightened out the collar and Claudia pulled my hair out from under the coat. "You're right. Sorry, I'm just stressed."

"It's okay."

-

"These turned out amazing, Billie." Claudia said as she scrolled through my Instagram, looking at the pictures from the photo shoot, my head resting on her lap. "People are really going crazy."

"Yeah," I mumbled subconsciously, my fingers fiddling with my hoodie sleeves as I stared up at the ceiling, tears threatening to spill at a single blink's notice.

"What's wrong, Billie?"

I shook my head, wiping my eyes with my sleeves. "I'm just so fucking worried about her. She's just... God!" I sniffed, holding my hands over my eyes. "She's not good at handling her emotions. She just lets it all build up and then does something crazy. I'm just worried that she's gonna do something stupid."

"I wish I could tell you it's gonna be okay," Claudia said, "but this time I just don't know. You messed up, Billie, you did. I can't tell you that you didn't, because you did. You really should've listened to her. But whatever happens to Elliot is not your fault."

I turned my head to the side, hiding my face in the cloth of Claudia's shirt, a quiet sob escaping my mouth as I hugged her. "What am I supposed to do? She's gone. I don't know where she is. She's not answering anybody's messages or calls. What if she—I need to go, Claudia." I quickly got up. What if she went back to the cliff? I knew how Elliot was. I knew her mindset. I knew that when things went wrong, she felt like the only way out was death. I knew that she would feel like that was the only option she had.

"You are not going back there," Claudia said, pulling me down onto the couch.

"Back where?" I asked. I never told her about Elliot's near suicide, so I didn't know what she was talking about.

"The cliff."

"How do you know about that?"

"Elliot told me. I know you're worried, but you don't need to go."

I scoffed at her ignorance. "Yes, I do."

"I'm being serious, Billie, you're not leaving this house."

"Well, I'm gonna go visit Zoe," I said, pulling my shoes on.

"I can't let you do that either." She pushed me back down onto the couch. "As much as I would love to watch you mop the floor with that blonde bitch—"

"Hey! I don't like the negative connotation you applied to blonde, seeing as how I do happen to have blonde hair now."

Claudia only laughed. "Negative connotation," she repeated. "Where'd you learn that one?"

"It was my word of the day, shut up! I'm going home." I stood up and stretched. Claudia wasn't having it though.

"No, you're not. I don't trust you anymore."

"Too bad," I replied, growing frustrated with her for not leaving me alone. "I can do whatever I want."

"No, you can't."

I ignored her and opened the front door, surprised to see Elliot standing there, her fist raised to knock. There was an older lady standing beside her. She had black hair and olive-toned skin. She only looked to be in her mid-thirty's. I couldn't help but wonder. She had dark circles under her eyes and her posture was horrible. Her eyes darted around behind me before scanning my figure. I stood there, shocked and uncomfortable for a few seconds until Elliot finally said something. "Is Claudia home?"