Swallowed in the Sea

Where's My Love

   As much as I wanted to run, the still reasonable side of my brain was telling me that it wasn't the right time.

That now wasn't the right time.

   At this time, where would I go? It was beginning to darken and truth be told, I was scared of being alone outside when there wasn't any sun.

   My body felt heavy as if all my problems were dragging me down. Not that they weren't, but I was now feeling the physical effects of it.

   I began to crave another high and I dug my fingernails into the palms of my hand as I tried to fight it off. Usually, I wouldn't bother but I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to access a source for a high right now.

   I fought it at first but truthfully, I didn't want to and was too tired to put up a real fight. The reasonable part of my brain was being overpowered by my craving and soon I made a plan to get what I wanted.

   With my back still pressed against the door, not only could I hear anything happening downstairs, but I could also feel the footsteps of Sam going up the stairs. 

   I listened as she walked down the hall, pausing in front of the door that I was sitting at. The door to the bedroom I was in.

   For a moment I thought she was going to knock or try to talk to me and I tensed. For a moment, I could practically feel her hand raising to the door, only to pause before changing her mind.

   Strangely, I felt almost disappointed when she didn't knock or call out my name. It felt like she had truly given up on me.

As she should.

   Biting my lip, I hauled myself onto my feet, making my way to the closet before pulling out my backpack. 

The only thing that has gone through everything with me.

   Trying to keep my mind blank, I shoved some clothes into the backpack, not even bothering to fold any of them. I stopped momentarily only because I felt like I was forgetting something but I couldn't think of anything so I went on. 

   Once I was done, I zipped up my backpack and tossed it over one shoulder before walking over to the window. Thankfully, the bedroom I stayed in was at the back of the house meaning that the window faced the backyard. This reduced my risk of being seen.

By anyone.

"What am I doing?" I whispered but I kept fumbling with the window, trying to pull it up and open. 

   Just moments before, I was telling myself how scared I was to be alone in LA when it was dark and yet here I was, preparing to be alone in the streets of LA after the sun had set.

   While it was fortunate that the bedroom was facing the backyard, it was unfortunate that it was on the second floor. This meant that I had quite the drop if I wanted to get going without being caught by Sam.

Surely there was a better way.

   Biting my lip, I heaved myself onto the windowsill and ducked my head as I stepped onto the exterior sill. With the backpack dangling only from one shoulder, I felt unbalanced and so I swung my arm through the other strap as well before clutching each side of the window. 

I was being so stupid right now.

   Looking around, I spotted the shed and figured that I could probably drop myself onto that to lessen how far I'd have to jump.

   Carefully turning backwards, I let one leg dangle off the edge and I began to lower my body. I felt a wave of relief rush over me when my foot touched something hard and I relaxed, quickly dropping my other foot onto the surface as well.