Swallowed in the Sea

Missed You

"Are you mad at me?" Stella's voice broke through my furious bubble and I tore my gaze away from the window to look at her.

   I forced a gentle smile onto my face and turned around, "No...why would I be mad at you?"

   Stella only shrugged, looking down at the kitchen tiles, "You seem mad..."

"Not at you," I reassured Stella and walked over to her, wrapping an arm around her, "I promise."

"Who are you mad at then?"  Stella asked curiously as I lead her out of the kitchen and into the living room.

   I sighed, "Don't worry about  it Stella, everything's okay."

~~~

Anger was a horrible feeling.

   I hated being angry. Not only was it exhausting, but in the end, I felt like that being angry hadn't done anything to benefit anyone. It was a useless feeling.

That wasn't exactly true.

   Anger made me feel oddly powerful in a sick and sadistic way. I couldn't help it, but it seemed like the feeling fueled me. I was more impulsive when I was angry. I was more reckless.

I didn't think straight.

   Propping myself up against the headboard of the bed, I reached over to the night table and grabbed the black, velvet box off of it. Opening it, I picked up the necklace gently, letting it dangle in front of me. The engraved S glinted in the light emitted from the lamp and I bit my lip.

Stella.

   Closing my eyes, I took a second to push the sadness down, needing the anger to stay a little longer. As awful as it was to be angry, it also sent me in a twisted high. Once I was sure that the sorrow was overpowered, I clenched my toes and carefully clasped the necklace on.

   They're always mentioning the twenty-four-hour rule in school. The decision of waiting twenty-four hours before doing anything important and irreversible. By doing this, you wait for the immediate responses and emotions to pass and lower the risk of doing something you'll regret.

But then, I had never been a patient person.

   Seething, I shot out of the bed and practically lunged at the window, fumbling to get it open. The sun had already set but red rays still peeked out through the dark night. This probably wasn't a good decision but I didn't really care.

I was angry.

   Sliding the window open, I slowly heaved myself onto it and latched my fingers around the frame, steadying myself. I looked down and for some reason, the space between the window ledge and the shed looked like it had increased.

   A cool breeze brushed against me and I took a sharp inhale. The wind felt good against my skin and in a way, it was calming.

   Shaking my head, I bit my lip and crouched down, slowly lowering my feet onto the roof of the shed. In a leap of faith, I let go of the window that I was still clutching onto and I landed with a loud thud.

   Wincing at the sound, I quickly hopped off the shed and raced for the gate. I easily let myself out of the backyard and took off down the street, hoping that I wouldn't attract too much attention to myself.