Swallowed in the Sea

I Lost Myself

Though I had changed my mind and now wanted to attend my mother's wedding, I didn't personally reach out to her. I had picked up the phone multiple times and had managed to dial Sam's number twice. I had even gotten to the point of telling Sam to hand the phone over to my mother.

But I chickened out.

I just couldn't do it.

That wasn't to say that I was getting cold feet about going to her wedding though. I knew I had to. I knew that I should and that I would.

I just couldn't bring myself to tell my mother that.

In some way, it felt like I was letting her win if I did that. It sounded stupid and petty, I knew that, but that didn't change how I felt.

Lucky for me though, Sam had informed me that they were planning the wedding day to be sometime in the Spring so I had time.

Unluckily though, Sam had also told me that she and my mother wanted me to visit them during my holiday break. That I spend at least one of my two weeks with them in LA.

That, unfortunately, was not very far away.

October seemed to have flown by and I knew that November would do the same. That meant that the holiday break was nearing quickly and I knew that it would come even sooner than I would expect.

"Summer?" A knock on the door made me look up from my homework.

I leaned back in the chair, dropping my pencil down onto the textbook in front of me, "You can come in."

The moment the words left my mouth, in walked Callie and Arizona and I immediately sat up straight. Usually, when both of them came into my room, it was either because I was refusing to get out of bed or something was wrong.

"What-"

Arizona cut me off, "Everything is fine."

I relaxed a little but my stomach was still fluttering. I knew that if they said everything was fine, then everything most likely was fine. I knew that I could trust them. It just seemed to be a reflex at this point to be on edge whenever someone spoke to me.

"Meredith just called me," Callie started and I nodded, "She and Derek wanted a night out...she was wondering if we could watch Zola."

I pulled a foot up onto the chair, resting my chin on the knee, "Doesn't Lexie usually watch Zola when they go out?"

Arizona smirked, "Apparently Lexie is over at Mark's."

"Oh..." I chuckled slightly, "Good for them."

"So you're okay with Zola coming over?" Callie double-checked and I nodded.

I tilted my head, "Of course...I don't know why you asked me in the first place."

"Well, you live here too," Arizona said, "You should have at least a heads up if someone's coming over."

I only shrugged, "Whatever..."

Arizona and Callie both looked like they wanted to keep talking but I had already diverted my attention back to my textbook and so they left me.

One of them gave me a pat on the shoulder and before I could blink again, they left the bedroom, leaving me alone with my homework.

I tried to return back to my work, to give it my full attention. I wanted to be able to swing right back into the rhythm of productivity that I was in but I couldn't.

My mind was stuck on other things.

Sure, I knew I lived here and of course, I felt more comfortable around here than I did at Ila's house, for example.