My Sadist Girl From Hell *Ongoing*

Part 13.

Lisa's POV

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How can you be so fucking careless lisa! Fuck!" I mumbled to myself wiping the corner of my eyes when I realized the hot liquid running through my cheeks while walking through the hallway making sure no one could witness the lone tears escape from me.

I quickly leave Jennie at the restroom when she was about to ask something, I'm afraid about what she's going to ask, for sure she already heard me because there's no food me entered the room aside me and her, this is so embarrassing, she might look at me in disgust, and judge me like what happened before.

God, this day was a whole fucked up mess!

Can I be fortunate?

Even just for once!

Ever since I was at grade school and people found out about me being an intersex, no one would come near me, no one wants to befriend with me, no one talk to me and I feel like I was just a fucking ghost that people wouldn't dare or even want to notice by their sight, I feel like I don't exist in this unfair and such a cruel world.

All my life I've been suffering from this shit, every day I have to face the same words and the same judgement that people would throw at me, I have to endure all their insults physically, mentally and emotionally. People doesn't get tired of making fun of me, they never tired to hurt me and sometimes when I go back home from school I got bruises all over my body, mom once cried when she saw how my body got beaten by my classmates, she scold me because why I didn't fight back, and I said that it's still useless to fight, they'll still never stop so what's the point, right? What's the point of fighting when you know at the very beginning that you will still lose even if you tried hard.

You can't change what people's perspective in life, if they think that being different or special is such mortification,then you have nothing to do about it, you know why?

Because it's what they believe.

People have different personalities, uniqueness and perceptions in life. You can't force them to believe on what you believed. We have different interpretations, judgement and point of views, You can't make them like what you liked because all of us have different standards, and that is a fact.

When I experienced the worst thing in my life, which is being judge by the society is like curse that was rotten in your system that everyday you grow it will getting stronger and stronger until the promise day will come. It's inevitable and there are such no things to bend it because it's what destined for you.

I got depressed at a young age, I tried drugs and all the bad things. I have no sense in life back then, I tried to commit suicide to end my suffering but guess what? I'm still alive and kicking, how funny it is right?.

Every night I bawled myself crying at one corner of my dark room, I isolated myself to anyone and didn't let anybody to come in. I was lonely even if I had my family in me, I chose to be lonely, I chose to suffer all by myself rather than making 'em worry at me. I used to lived in dark and never allow any stray of lights to come in. I stayed there wondering why I have to suffer through this, asking him why he let me to experience such cruel things, asking him why me, of all people why me?

But I got nothing as an answer.

Until I got tired of crying and tears went dry without wiping, throat hurts because of silent sobbing.

But you know what's terrifying?

It's terrifying and yet exhilarating it is to know that there are cries in me which is still unheard because I chose to be silent.

I am all in a sea of wonders, I doubt; I fear; I think strange thing which I dare not to confess to myself.

I chose to be silent than voicing out the sorrow and pain I have came through, I chose to keep it myself because I know that no one would hear me out, I was an introvert person and I like keeping things from anyone afraid that even in just a little thing they would still judge me and that's the last thing I would do. I will never let anyone else to judge me again.