COntRol

6

⚡COntRol⚡
Chapter 6

[Kaminari's POV]

People say that life gets better with change.

It shows that someone is adapting to their surroundings, growing into a better person.

Yet I don't see myself getting any better.

I didn't get better.

I didn't leave my room for the weekend.

Whatever had broken yesterday... was changing me in ways that I hated.

Even if I go through my phone, clearing out some of my pictures, just looking at the image that Kirishima and I took on our first meet-up caused me to forget what I was doing, remembering what we had. What we were.

I then feel dampness on my cheek, numbly slipping from my eyes. I didn't even notice that they had fallen, but I sniffle at my stinging nose, wiping the salty tears away and turning my phone off.

I guess the first day was the mourning phase. Remembering what I had lost. Even looking or thinking about him sent spikes to my heart. Constricts my throat. Makes me want him back. Want to turn back the clock and remember that day I'd met him, hung out with him, cherished him like he were a precious gem.

He was a diamond. A diamond shining brightly within the box of stones.

I listened to music. Locked my door. Kept my stupid emotions within that room because I hated being such a sap. I hated acting so weird, thinking that my best friend dating his crush was the end of the world. I should be happy for him, at least, but I'm acting so differently. Different to how I'd like.

I convinced myself that it was stupid, but I knew it may be something more, when I broke down in the middle of a song. A sobbing and tearful mess.

Where was the old Kaminari? The ball of sunshine?

He was hiding behind clouds of melancholy.

The world seemed to be sucked of colour. Blacks and whites and any shades in between. It was cold. Unnaturally cold. I stay huddled in a hoodie, tears drenching its fabric. I'm still shivering.

The day felt so tiring. Slow. Agonising yet numb at the same time. I should be feeling the pain of my head and my heart, but it wasn't coming at full force, bouncing off an almost spongy layer, which leaves me in anticipation of when that layer would come down and let everything through.

The next  day, however, was much worse.

I was angry at myself! For being weak! For so suddenly spoiling everything! This year was supposed to be good, but the shit from yesterday and the day before killed it!

I felt stupid. An idiot. For crying and being so sad. For what?! The fact th-that my best friend is dating someone?!

Someone... Someone else?

My mind was messed up and I was no longer in control, rage taking the wheel as I scream into my pillow, throwing away the bottle of emotions I'd never wanted. I scream until I couldn't speak.

My phone screen was cracked.

My garbage can was dented.

The photos of Kirishima and I at the photobooth were ripped in half.

I empty my stomach.

I was tempted to call myself in sick the next day, since I felt my head being abused with a headache, but I decided against it. This all wasn't supposed to be a big deal!