All This Time // H.S. // A.U.

Chapter Sixty-Eight

Fall of Sophomore Year of College

HARRY

I was breathing hard as I ran down the stretch of the field. The ball soared forward, but I was on it in an instance, dribbling it further towards the goal. I dodged a defender on the opposing team, and swung my foot back to launch the ball into the air and into the right side of the net.

There were a few cheers from teammates, the ones closest to me clapping my back. I walked back to midfield, hands resting on my hips as I tried to gather my breath. I wasn't in the same shape as I had been back in high school, and although I've been playing with these guys for a few weeks now, I still hadn't adjusted to the workout I was getting.

Randomly, at the beginning of the school year, I ran into a large group of guys playing friendly games at a local park. I found myself watching them, envying them. There were no stakes and the ability level was definitely not the best, but I ached to join them.

I returned the next week and found them again, figuring out their schedule quickly. Every week I would go. Luckily, it didn't look too weird. Friends, girlfriends and boyfriends, and bystanders would watch them on the sidelines. One week, I was getting ready to leave, but the ball flew out of bounds, landing near me. I kicked it back easily, and next thing I knew, I was talking to one of the guys who was on the bench.

They invited me to play the next week, and I went back and forth deciding if I should show. Technically, I knew I wasn't supposed to be playing, but what harm could a friendly game do? The exercise was supposed to be good for my knee - even though it was currently hurting.

I missed this, though. The weekly games have been some of the only times I've been happy all semester. This year was much harder without Riley, and spending the whole summer with her had only made this long distance shit worse.

Soccer was something I used to live for. It was there when nobody was. Last year, I had done a good job at pretending that I didn't miss it. I had hung out with Glenne and called Riley every night and made sure all my homework and essays and projects were triple checked. I had finished my freshman year with top grades, but barely cared.

The truth was that I had lost something that day I was tackled to the ground during the final game. I had filled that space with Riley and more Riley, and when she was stripped away from me, I found myself completely lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do, yet. My prerequisites were everywhere, and not one of them had reached out to me in any way.

I felt like I had no future. Like I was just counting down the days to graduation, so I could figure out what Riley was doing and just... follow.

Finding these guys had been a lifesaver. When I was on the field, all my stress melted away. I had a way to get all my aggression out, and it took my mind off of my nonexistent future. But it did also bring back the painful memories. Each time I walked back to my place, usually limping, I would get home and immediately ice my knee. It was a constant reminder of what I had lost.

It was a hundred percent worth it, though. The reminder. The physical pain. Even the emotional pain. To feel the rush of the game, the feel of the ball against my foot, the flood of excitement when I got a breakaway. It was worth it.

I took a break on the bench, sucking down some water and resting my leg. The guys playing were mix of students from both Columbia and NYC. Most of them were really nice, but there were a few that I hadn't gotten to know and looked like they didn't care to know. That was okay with me. I had never been that great with making friends anyway.

Another five minutes and I was back in. My knee actually hurt worse once I stood up from the bench, my body clearly telling me to let it rest. Fuck that. It had rested for over a year. The stupid thing could take another thirty minutes of being on the field.