All This Time // H.S. // A.U.

Chapter Thirty-Five

HARRY

I waited until Sunday to speak to my mom. I drove Riley to the hospital and spent an hour with her and Carol. Her doctors had started to get her up and walking to get some excersised, so we were allowed to escort her around for a bit.

With some parting words from Carol, I anxiously drove to my old house. After the talk I had on Friday with Riley's mom, I knew I had to do something. It wasn't fair for them to keep putting their secrets and lies on me, and I wasn't going to play their games anymore. I would show up for Christmas like I said I would, but after that the ball was in their court to show me they wanted me in their life. Despite Carol's kind words, I still dreaded the moment they chose not to. Because that was coming. That was probably the one thing I knew would actually come of this conversation.

My mom was waiting for me in the kitchen, no one else home. If memory served me correctly, my dad would be off with his mistress for a week or two before "having to spend the holiday with his family". I'm certain the twins were off with their friends, as well, so we had the house to ourselves.

"Harry." She said in greeting, only looking me in the eyes for a few seconds at a time.

"Mom."

She waited a second more to see if I would say anything. When she realized I wasn't, she cleared her throat, and said, "I'm glad you wanted to talk. We've missed you here."

"Yeah." I reply in a clipped tone. "I won't be here long. Just needed to talk to you about something."

"You can stay for lunch, if you want-"

"No." I cut her off, "I've got somewhere to be." Not really, but I'd rather be with Riley and Carol any day over her. "This is about the twins."

She sighs deeply, "We've already talked-"

"No, we haven't. This needs to change, mom. I'm sick of you and dad putting me in this position." I tell her firmly, "I spent years feeling guilty for hiding his affair from you. It affected my relationships with everyone in this family, and I'm not doing that again."

"I know it's hard, Harry."

"Do you?" I asked her, "Do you really, cause I don't think you realize the toll it takes on me to hide your dirty secrets. Especially one like this. They deserve to know."

Staring at me hard, "So they can what, Harry? What good will come of them knowing?"

"The truth!" I exclaim, laughing with zero humor, "Jesus, are you that wrapped up in your own lies that you don't know that the truth is better than anything? You don't think they know something's already up? They're smart kids, mom, they know there's a huge riff between us right now, and they'll figure it out eventually. Would you rather them hate the fact that you hid it from them-"

"That's enough! I am the parent here, and I'll make that decision."

"No, you won't." I fight back, "You're going to tell them by the time Christmas comes, or I'll tell them myself."

She thinks I'm bluffing, I can tell, "And ruin Christmas?"

"I don't give a shit about Christmas, mom." I tell her truthfully, "We never had. We celebrate it, because that's what people do. It's not because it's some special day for us. We're not religious, we're barely a fucking family-"

"We are a family!" She shoots back, "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but regardless of what you think, we are a family, and I love you guys so much."

"Then why keep putting me through this!" I snap, "Why do you keep doing this to me, when it's so obvious that I'm not handling it well. A real mom would see that I've been drowning in miserable lies for years now, and I'm tired of it. A real mom would do what's best for her kids, not what's best for her! You and dad are selfish! You clearly don't give a damn about us!"