↺ 004 : serenity & delusions

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NIGHTS AT THE POOL WERE always so serene, so quiet

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NIGHTS AT THE POOL WERE always so serene, so quiet. It was easy to get lost in the silence and solitude. Easy to forget that the rest of the world existed.

But if anything, it gave me an opportunity to reflect on my past.

The problem with all the quiet and sereneness was simple: I did not want to think about the things that had been, nor did I want to reflect on the things that could've been.

I considered joining the ASU swim team long before I got accepted into the university. It didn't matter if I'd ended up there or not, I would find a way. Of course, that made no sense. I was lucky to get accepted. I was even more lucky to have gotten some financial aid.

Medicine was expensive, I knew that. My parents, my brother and sister, they made sure of it. And because of that, I had to work extra hard to get to that point-to the freezing cold swimming pool at twelve past four in the morning while everyone else slept. But it was starting to get hard. For one, I never thought about how hard it could be to juggle schoolwork, a job, and an extracurricular activity all whilst maintaining perfect performance.

I should have thought about it.

In a way, it worked out for me. Since I was still very much in my freshman year, I decided to lay back a little bit.

I tried out for the swim team at the start of the academic year. I didn't get in. I was devastated.

I moved on.

Since graduating from highschool, I'd had to move on from a plethora of things ranging from August, to the brief financial situation with my family, and finally, to my losses and disappointments since getting into ASU.

No one told me growing up would be so hard. I bet a handbook or a few words of advice would've made all the difference, but all I got were overly supportive parents and an ex-boyfriend who loved to play mind games.

August Wilder and Lenny Harlow were a love that never should have been, but we were also a love that triumphed. The problem was that we were too dangerous, too fast, too passionate. Too damaged.

He loved me, and I, him, and it was the most obsessive thing I'd ever witnessed. From the hour-long midnight phone calls to the overly chatty dates, we didn't notice all the wrong. All the need. We missed the signs because we were too focused on the perfection of it all.

They say opposites attract. They couldn't be more right.

We were polar opposites. August Wilder was a flame, and he never ceased to burn. I was the ocean-he drowned in my depths. How we worked for so long, I would never understand. It didn't take rocket science for one to know that fire and water could never coexist.

I pushed up on the opposite end of the pool, my head breaking through the surface of the water. Dawn was just about starting to break.

"Hey," he greeted. The illusion of him, a splitting, authentic-looking three-dimensional image. Only, his hair was slightly different, his eyes brighter, a little more downcast.

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