When peer pressure pushes Lenny to try out a new dating app, she starts to realize that the past may not always define the future.
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Lenny Harlow wants a lot of things, but a boyfriend isn't...
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THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY August and I got together was like a punch to the gut-though I thought it was way better than the previous year's. Some part of me attributed that to the company I had. Another part seemed to think it had more to do with how far I'd come since then. But I couldn't deny the force behind it. The reality was that I had much better company, and that I'd done a lot of growing up in the past year.
I had myself to thank, and I would say I had my friends to thank as well. School did its part by keeping my mind busy constantly, but in between those moments in time when daydreaming occurred, I yearned. I knew that was a problem. I knew that had to stop. I just didn't know how to get it to stop.
But all things considered, I probably owed Nash more thanks than I owed myself. It hurt to think it, not to talk of admit it, which was why I knew for certain that I would not be saying those two dreaded words to him anytime soon. He might've been the catalyst to the chemical reaction that was and is me, but chemicals never went back to appreciate their catalysts. So what if we were human? Emotions were far too overrated.
And I was not one to feel. Like I'd said to Leah, I wasn't in tune with my emotions. Acknowledging the fact was the first step I needed to take, and I'd apparently taken that step, but that didn't mean I was ready to open my heart again. Despite what everyone around me thought, it was far too soon. They weren't me. They didn't get to decide my fate.
Good thing love didn't make the world go round. Then again, what did I know about love? I didn't think I'd ever felt it. I didn't think it was a thing to be felt.
The basketball court was mostly deserted (thanks to an away game I wasn't interested in watching. Why was the game right after spring break? I didn't know. I didn't know anything about sports.), save for two fresh adults with nothing better to do. Also, the pool was closed for practice, and going to Sweet Cube would be asking for extra work. Basically we were at the basketball court because it was the only place we could possibly hang out until the pool was open for public use.
An orange ball rolled over to where I was seated. I stared hard at it for a bit. The one who'd been shooting hoops with it sat in the space between me and the wall. I sat up straighter.
"I hate seeing you like this."
"Get used to it."
"I don't want to." He ran his thumb over my knuckles, unknowingly setting my insides ablaze. I noticed his skin was only a few shades darker than mine. "Dollar for your thoughts?"
"That's not how it goes."
He placed his hand on top of mine, cupping my kneecap, causing my head to spin. "Well, I don't have any pennies on me," he said, "and I hoped you'd tell me more if I gave you a dollar." And I think your thoughts are worth more than pennies. And I love you. And I hate you. And I wish you loved me like I love you. And I wish you couldn't read between the lines. I wish you didn't understand my silence.
