Wouldn't Dream Of It

Chapter 34

Jason was panicking, the full on 'This wasn't supposed to happen what the fuck am I going to do' kind of panic. He thought about the first time he had sex with Charlie, the feeling of complete peace he had felt. He had felt free, but now he was terrified because of the fact that what was supposed to have been a friend with benefits type of relationship had now turned into a I think I'm secretly pining for him type of relationship. How else was he supposed to explain it? The bone crushing affection and need he had for the man.

Which is why he was sat on his bed, googling a 'Am I in love with him?' quiz. It was kind of extremely pathetic of him but he had no other choice. But considering he was sitting there googling that quiz gave him all the confirmation he needed.

He was in love with Charlie Hayes.

It wasn't a dramatic confession but it hit him deep in his soul. It was like catching a peek of a rainbow after a long day of dark clouds, the fresh sprinkle of rain on a hot summer day. It wasn't the falling in love part that was hard, Jason realized, it was admitting to himself that he was in love that left him breathless.

So, Jason did what he usually did when his feelings became overwhelming. He painted. He painted exactly what he thought of Charlie Hayes.

He was the sun that brightened up his day, the light that lit up his path when he was dazed and the hand that steadied him when he lost his grip. Jason wasn't sure how long he painted for but the next thing he knew, a knock on his door shook him from his 'artistic streak' and had him moving towards the door, not caring that he was shirtless and probably covered in paint.

A warm body collided with his when he opened it, slamming him against the wall, desperate lips reaching for his. He moaned at the rough treatment against his lips as Charlie pretty much ate at his mouth.

He was fucking breathless and wheezing for air when he broke the kiss, looking wide eyed at Charlie.

"Hi", Charlie whispered.

"Hi", he whispered back to him, searching his eyes for why he looked so...defeated.

Charlie shut his eyes and rested his forehead against Jason's collarbone, his warm breath tickling his skin.

Jason wrapped an arm around his waist, "What's wrong, baby?"

He heard Charlie groan, "I just witnessed the most horrible thing a brother has ever had to witness"

Jason laughed at the dramatic description, "Yeah? What's that?"

"I walked in on Harley and Liam"

Jason wrinkled his eyebrows, "Walked in on them doing what?"

Charlie raised his head to give him a 'Are you dumb or are you dumb' look and it suddenly hit him.

"Having sex!?"

"Yes, Pierce, having sex"

"Yeek"

"That about explains it"

Jason led them to the bed, leaning against the headboard, "And you don't want them together?"

"No, I don't care that their together, well I do care but in a good way, what I don't understand is why they hid it from me", he frowned, "Am I not a good brother? A good friend? Why don't they trust me", Charlie rambled on and to be frank, it was kind of adorable.

"You're a good brother Charlie, Harley loves you", Jason stroked his fingers through Charlie's hair, "He loves you and he was scared you wouldn't approve, he cares about your opinions and the same with Liam. They love you and didn't want to hurt you"

Charlie huffed against his chest, "Well when you put it that way, I guess I understand...a bit"

"Don't worry about it too much"

"I wasn't gonna", Charlie weakly protested.

Jason huffed a laugh, "Baby, we both know you'll keep thinking about it in your head until you've played out all the possible scenarios"

"Shut up, why do you hate me", he grumbled.

Oh that's far from the truth my love, Jason thought and Charlie suddenly yawned.

Jason pressed a kiss to his ruffled hair, "Sleep Hayes, I'll cuddle you"

And Jason did cuddle him, holding his smaller body against his, both arms wrapped tightly around him, Charlie's palm resting over his heart.

It was around midnight when he woke up, his throat dry from the lack of water. Jason slowly untangled himself from Charlie and made his way out of the room and to the kitchen. He had to stop himself from screaming like a little girl when he suddenly spotted his mother standing with the fridge open, a bottle of water in hand.

"Jesus, mommy, you scared me"

His mom shrugged as she chugged the bottle of water and tossed it in the trash. She looked at him with judgemental eyes, "Amy told me Charlie was over, he still here?"

Jason's heart stopped as he quickly searched for words to say, "What no, he left"

Her face scrunched up in distaste, "Good, cause you know how those kinda people are like"

Jason didn't.

Your son is 'That kind of person' mom, he thought. What had he been thinking? That she would suddenly be not homophobic? Wave a pride flag and go to pride parades?

"He's a good man"

"That's what they all think-"

"Good night, mom", Jason broke in, not wanting to listen to anymore shit from his mother.

He tried to take deep breaths as he stared out the window at the moonlight streaming through it. He couldn't do it anymore. The hiding, being discreet, it was tiring and he didn't want to do it anymore.

Charlie didn't deserve to be hidden away with some closeted guy who was too much of a pussy to come out and stand up to his own dead father. Even if he did come out, he would lose his football career. Football was the only thing he had in connection to his father, he couldn't lose that.

He then thought about his mom, who had worked so hard to keep their family together, he couldn't do that to her. Jason wanted to cry, he had never been good with choices but this, it had to be the most difficult decision he had ever made.

He had to end it, he had to end the most beautiful relationship he has ever had. He had to leave the man he loved because he knew it was the best for both of them. He didn't deserve Charlie, didn't deserve his love if at all Charlie loved him.

Jason looked at the sleeping man as a light sob broke out of his chest, but he managed to shove it down, he couldn't cry, not now.

He didn't want to end things with Charlie, but he knew he had to. But as he stared at his lover, he couldn't bring himself to consider it.

He loved him.