Hiding the Green Carnation's Heirs | ✔︎

08

PARANG kailan lang, sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayaw kong magkita silang mag-aama pero narito ako at kasama ang ama ng mga anak ko.

I don't want to hide them anymore but in exchange for that, I need to know Lurusus. I need to know what kind of person he is. I need to know if he deserves to be my kids' father.

Nasasaktan ako sa tuwing hinahanap sa akin ng mga anak ko ang tatay nila at pinagkakait ko ang karapatan nilang makilala si Lurusus kahit na nandito lang siya malapit sa amin.

My kids don't deserve my selfishness. They deserve to be happy. They deserve to know their father.

I shouldn't think of my own happiness, because my kids' happiness will be my happiness too. I need to think of them first.

Walang silbi ang pagtatago ko sa kanila kung may parte sa pagkatao nila ang kulang. The longer I hide them, the longer and stronger they are longing for their father's love.

They also need him. I just realised that I would never replace their father. Kahit na anong gawin ko, iba ako at iba ang tatay nila. Motherly love is very different from fatherly love. They can't be the same. They will never be.

"Close your eyes, bilat. I'm gonna put an eyeshadow on you," aniya.

I closed my eyes and I felt him put something on my eyelids. He is currently putting makeup on my face which he insisted on a while ago. Para raw magmukha akong presentable kapag haharapin ko ang pamilya niya mamaya.

Akala ko hindi na ako magugulat pero nagulat pa rin talaga ako noong may nilabas siyang sandamakmak na make-up, brushes, lipstick at kung ano-ano pa.

Bumili na rin kami ng damit ko kanina and take note, siya pa ang pumili ng damit na susuotin ko. Bibili rin sana kami ng sandals pero mabilis ko siyang pinigilan.

He was very detailed and strict while we were looking for clothes. I tried picking up turtle necks and the likes but he didn't approve of all of that. Instead, he picked up those simple but elegant dresses. Nahiya naman akong walang taste of fashion sa kaniya.

I just hoped that someday, my kids can go to the mall and pick whatever they like. I miss them.

Thankfully, Latina, which is Cazhandra, and Crinx volunteered to watch the triplets for me and Lurusus already informed Aadavan that he'll borrow me for tonight for an event. Hindi naman na nagtanong pa si Aadavan at agad akong pinayagan sumama kay Lurusus.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko kanina habang kaharap si Aadavan. He's my boss and I'm his secretary but the tension between us is just awkward.

We'll just talk if we have an important matter to talk about. Everything changed. I can feel that we are both trying to restore our friendship but I think it's not working.

I sighed deeply.

"Ang lalim no'n bilat." Rinig kong saad niya.

"I told you not to call me bilat," wika ko sa kaniya.

He chuckled. "Then what do you want me to call you? Bitch?"

"Pwede mo naman ako tawagin sa pangalan ko lang."

"Nah. Ayaw ko nga," sambit niya.

I rolled my eyes in my mind. I just kept quiet and let him do my face. May naramdaman pa akong pinahid niya sa mukha ko pero hindi na ako nagkomento pa. After a couple of minute, his hand leave my face.

"There, I'm finished!" he exclaimed. "Open your eyes na," utos niya.

Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang mga mata ko at bahagyang nagulat sa nakita ko sa salamin.