The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial one in any love story. - Emil Ludwig
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Elodie's POV
And this was how kiss feels like.
It feels like a rain on a hot and summer evening. It washes away my pain, my fears. Martin's lips moving against mine was so soft. I could taste the coffee from his mouth. But the sensation it gave to my body was unexplainable. I don't want men to touch me. I always felt disgust just by thinking about men would touch and kiss me. But this time, his lips gave a different sensation all over my body. His hand was holding my head, like trying to keep it on his touch so I won't let go.
And I won't let go. I don't want to let go. I wanted to feel this extra ordinary thrill that Martin was giving to me. His mouth was giving me the best taste that I never tasted in my entire life. What was happening between us was too sensual. I don't feel that I am being violated. No roughness. All I could feel was the rush of heat throughout my veins. The rapid beats of our hearts. His warm tongue trying to get inside my mouth. I closed my eyes, and I could feel that my body was not mine anymore. I felt I was floating. Like an out of the body experience and I was there in limbo that I could get lost forever.
Because Martin was kissing me like the way I wanted to be kissed. He was touching me like I wanted to be touched. The kiss that he was giving me was the one that I always dreamed about. The kiss that can be only found in my fantasies. It was intoxicating.
Until he stopped.
"Go."
Parang wala pa ako sa huwisyo nang marinig kong sabihin iyon ni Martin. Nang tumingin ako sa kanya ay titig na titig lang siya sa akin.
"W-what?" Hindi ko malaman kung paano ako gagalaw. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi pa bumabalik ang ulirat ko dahil sa nangyari.
"Go to your room. Sleep." Mahinang sabi niya.
And I was looking at his lips. Glistening and fresh from our kiss. I looked at Martin and he was not looking at me. Nakita kong napabuga siya ng hangin at napapailing pa. Hitsurang nakagawa ng isang malaking kasalanan.
The feeling of rush that I felt earlier washed with confusion. Bakit parang nagsisisi siya sa nagawa niya? Parang hindi siya masaya sa ginawa niya?
"That's it?" Taka ko.
Kumunot ang noo niya sa akin. Nagtataka sa tanong ko.
"What do you mean?"
Pakiramdam ko ay napahiya ako sa ginawa niya. Ganoon lang ba iyon? Pina-experience lang niya sa akin kung ano ang feeling ng mahalikan at pagkatapos noon ay parang wala ng nangyari? Hindi ba niya alam na giniba niya ang pader na talagang itinaas ko pagkatapos ng nangyari sa akin?
"The kiss. What does it mean?" Nag-uumpisa na akong mainis.
Nakita kong naguluhan ang hitsura niya. "It meant nothing."
Napa-awang ang bibig ko sa narinig na sinabi niya.
"Nothing? It was nothing to you?" Nabubuhay ang galit sa dibdib ko. And that's it? It was nothing for him?
"You said you wanted to try your first kiss." Tonong nagpapaliwanag siya.
Naningkit ang mata ko sa pagpipigil ng galit na nabubuhay sa dibdib ko. At iyon nga. Dahil nagsabi ako sa kanya, nagtanong ako sa kanya tungkol sa first kiss kaya ibinigay niya. At pagkatapos noon, parang wala ng nangyari. Hindi man lang ba niya inisip kung anong nangyayari sa akin ngayon? I felt my brain was hard wired. That kiss kept on repeating inside my head.
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